Rosa: This wedding sounds weird. I'm in to it.

Charles: Hey, Rosa. I want to apologize. I haven't been much fun to hang out with over the last year or so. On account of all the asking you out and smelling your hair and staring at you from point blank range.
Rosa: Yeah, you were a real weirdo.

Rosa: Sarge, permission to arrest Hitchcock & Scully.
Sergeant Jeffords: I've told you before. It's not harassment unless you can prove intent to fart.
Rosa: No, it's not that. They robbed me. They ate my Moose Tracks Ice Cream.
Sergeant Jeffords: That's funny. I wouldn't think you liked Moose Tracks.
Rosa: My boyfriend Marcus introduced me to it.
(Sarge laughing)
What? It is a delicious treat for all ages!

Sergeant Jeffords: I want this precinct to get our normal work done, but also, we're gonna clean out the evidence room, step up community service, and complete these twenty-two additional tasks. Every time we check one off the list, you're gonna hear this bell.
It's the sound of victory. (attempts to ding the bell, but the cord rips)
Rosa: Hmm, you should add "fix bell" to that list.

Jake: Now, just because I'm definitely rich now doesn't mean I'm gonna forget my roots.
You all get something, so fire away.
Charles: Jake, your friendship is gift enough for me.
Rosa: Friendship is crap. I want a Ducati Monster 821.

Jake: No, that's insane, never gonna happen. Anyone else?
Adrian Pimento: You guys go off the grid.
Amy: I'm listening. Go on.
Adrian Pimento: I get you guys Mexican passports. Totally untraceable. We fake your death in an apartment fire. I'll need three teeth from both of you. Then you guys just disappear. It's easy. I've done it before.
Rosa: Oh, have you? Because you haven't mentioned it 500 times. Get a new thing.

Amy: What's going on? I thought everything worked out. Is there a reason you're still upset?
Rosa: What makes you think I'm upset?
Amy: The giant hole you carved into the table.
Rosa: Oops. Didn't notice. [moves a bowl of condiments on top of the hole] There, fixed it.

Rosa: Real diverse diversity panel.

Rosa: And who knows? Claire Essalgorn didn't start writing the first "Crimson Portal" novel until she was 60. I started reading it because the character looks like me. I kept reading it because it's so good!
Jake: Rosa, you did get hooked, you big nerd.
Rosa: This heroine is my heroin.

Jake: Look, Captain Holt helped us all achieve our collective dream of going to Nakatomi Plaza.
Rosa: Only you.

Mark Devereaux: Hey, Sarah, what's the status on the toilet seat heater for my trailer? It's day four of cold butt cheeks going on over here.
Rosa: I'm sorry, but this is official police business.
Mark Devereaux: Putting the screws to her? I got this. Sarah, you're a P.A, what do you make a year? Two, three hundred thousand dollars?
Sarah: 30.
Mark Devereaux: Hundred thousand dollars a year?
Sarah: 30 thousand.
Mark Devereaux: Oh. Ew. And yet Cassie Sinclair pulls down millions sitting on her butt while you bust your hump running her errands. I bet that makes you angry, angry enough to steal her laptop? My gut says yes.
Rosa: Okay, that's enough.
Mark Devereaux: You're right. She's not gonna talk. Sometimes I wonder why I do this job.
Rosa: You don't.

Sergeant Jeffords: I should've known there was no talking to a guy like that. I don't see any other option. I'm submitting an official complaint with Holt.
Amy: I know it might feel weird to report another officer, but it's the right move.
Charles: Holt's gonna eat him for breakfast.
Rosa: Maldack has no idea what's about to hit him.

Rosa: Ugh, where is this guy? Deal was supposed to go down ten minutes ago. Stupid criminals have no respect for the people trying to bust them.

Samuel Miller: We have airtight alibis for the other three bank robberies you all are accused of.
Amy: Yes, I pulled time sheets, witness statements, and security footage. We can show that both of you weren't present at any of the other robberies, except March 12th. Still not sure where Rosa was.
Rosa: And you never will be.

Jake: Okay, reminder: privacy is cool, but if you don't tell us, we're gonna go to jail for a long time.
Rosa: Fine. I was at a "La La Land" sing-along.