Amy: Did you ask Gina to submit a work order?
Rosa: Yes, but she hasn't done it yet. She views doing her job as quote unquote optional.

Sergeant Jeffords: So what happened? Did they shoot at you? Were you in the thick of it?
Rosa: It's been a really tough day. I just want to get a beer. I don't feel like getting into it.
Jake: Are you sure? Because the journey I went on today taught me that sometimes it's best to talk about things-
Rosa: Jake.
Jake: Right. It was a stupid idea. And Holt told me to do it, so. Let's just go get a drink and sit in total silence.
Rosa: Perfect.

Rosa: Ugh! Damn it, he still smells great.

Amy: Hello, Mrs. Mindar. We're from Sunset for Seniors, and we're here to brighten your day.
Louise Mindar: Where's my regular girl?
Amy: Oh, she's sick. Appendicitis.
Eunice: Oh, Frank's niece just had that. Hi, I'm Eunice.
Amy: Hi, Eunice. We're talking to Louise. So, I have a really fun activity for today. We are going to-
Eunice: You know what? I was wrong. Frank's niece had a botched uterus.
Rosa: Thank you for that visual, Eunice.

Amy: I thought we could do an oral history project on your family. Wouldn't that be a hoot?
Louise Mindar: Oh, I guess so. Well, I was born during the Depression, and I had to sleep in a dresser drawer till I was three.
Rosa: Yeah, this is more of a recent history. Like, in the last week or so, have you had any visits from family?
Louise Mindar: I don't have any relatives, except for my grandson, who I haven't seen in seven years. Thank you for reminding me of that.
Rosa: Yeah, we all have family problems. The question is, are you going to see him soon?
Louise Mindar: How do I know? He never calls me.
Eunice: My turn. I was born in the Depression too, but we were extremely rich. We had a chambermaid.
Rosa: Not now, Eunice.

Amy: Hello?
Eunice: Hello, this is Eunice, the lady from the home with the chambermaid.
Amy: Yes.
Eunice: I mentioned Frank's niece's botched uterus.
Amy: We know who you are, Eunice. What can I help you with?
Eunice: You said to call you - if I saw anything peculiar.
Amy: Mm-hmm?
Eunice: There's a very strange man in Louise's room, digging around while she's away. Isn't that peculiar?
Amy: Can I put you on hold?
Eunice: Is there music? I love the mu-
Amy: I bet that's Sergio. I bet he set up this whole Louise thing as a distraction to get us out of the nursing home because that's where he stashed his cash before he went to Paraguay. Damn it, I wish there was some way to know if that peculiar man was Sergio.
Rosa: Eunice, what did the man smell like?
Eunice: Like an English garden.

Jake: Brace yourselves 'cause Jake-y is back. [mimics a train whistle] Don't everybody mob me at once. We can high-five one at a time. Oh, I see no response. A little "welcome back to the precinct" hazing. Who's behind this cute little prank? Diaz?
Rosa: Kill yourself.
Jake: Okay.
Amy: I told you. Night shift has everyone a little down.

Amy: Oh, welcome back from your third massive break of the night.
Rosa: Thanks.
Amy: I was being sarcastic. Where do you keep going?
Rosa: Not saying.
Amy: Tell me, Diaz.
Rosa: Nope.
Amy: Come on, tell me.
Rosa: Not talking about it.
Amy: Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me-
Rosa: Fine. I was in the bathroom. I'm having stomach problems.
Amy: Oh, okay. Yeah. Sorry.
Rosa: It's real bad.
Amy: No, that's all right.
Rosa: You should've been there.
Amy: I don't have to hear it.
Rosa: It was like a massacre.
Amy: No, you can- Please stop.
Rosa: Multiple flush.
Amy: Please stop.

Rosa: We put away Figgis three weeks ago. Pimento should've been back by now. We had plans to meet on that park bench once the coast was clear, but he hasn't shown up.
Amy: Maybe he's deep undercover, or he doesn't remember who he is, or maybe he's dead.
Rosa: Wow, thanks. You're right, my fiance's a total weirdo who's probably dead. I'll just give up on him and go do my paperwork.

Amy: Rosa, what happened?
Rosa: Sorry. I didn't know you could drunk off champers. I mean, it's half bubbles.

Amy: Why did you do that?
Rosa: Dude was pent up. Now he knows. Problem solved.

Rosa: Oh, guess we gotta get back to the Nine-Nine.
Charles: Let's not be hasty. Neither of us have any open cases right now, so should we tell the ladies we're ready for round two?
Rosa: Let's do it, you insatiable little minx.

Amy: We lost the caroling competition.
Sergeant Jeffords: And now we hate singing.
Rosa: Almost as much as we hate the MTA.
Captain Holt: Yeah, so we should prank call their tip line with a series of well-crafted insults.
Sergeant Jeffords: We should toilet paper their houses.
Rosa: With rocks.

Captain Holt: Okay, Diaz, there are only two witnesses who were close enough to the crash to see something. One's on his way here already. His name is Marshawn Lynch.
Rosa: (SQUEAKS) Marshawn Lynch? Marshawn Lynch the football player?
Captain Holt: I don't know his hobbies. It just says here he's unemployed.
Rosa: Retired. We're not getting anything out of him. He's always getting fined for refusing to talk to the press. Ugh, he's kind of one of my heroes.
Captain Holt: Well, it may be tough, and it may take a while, but I'm sure we'll get him to open up.
Rosa: Sir, there are some vaults you just can't open.

Rosa: Well, Marshawn Lynch will not leave your office. He has now pulled up one of those wedding proposal viral videos on his phone and is crying. What did I do to deserve this?