Sergeant Jeffords: My copier!
Captain Holt: My precinct!
Rosa: Charles!

Rosa: Ugh, I'm gonna have to meet a whole new group of people. I hate people.
Life sucks. Nothing good ever happens.

Hitchcock: He thought the bathroom was empty because we use the toilet with our feet up on the stall door.
Rosa: Explain any further and I will kneecap you both.

Rosa: Ugh, screw this. I'm gonna get a ride back to Brooklyn with some drifter.

Jake: I mean, Amy was a wreck and I fixed her. The weird thing is, I love her so much, I don't even feel like bragging about it.
Rosa: Clearly.

Jake: Okay, so Amy's test is in an hour and we have no idea where she is. I'm spiraling. Somebody say something positive.
Kylie: I cannot believe you screwed this up for her.
Jake: I was kind of hoping for something more traditionally positive, as opposed to overtly negative.
Kylie: And I was hoping you wouldn't lose my best friend.
Rosa: Starting to feel like you're not a real big Jake head.

Jake: Hey. Before we take Ocampo over to the Slaughterhouse, I just wanted to make sure you were okay, 'cause you are sharpening that knife very intensely.
Rosa: Makes me feel better.

Jake: Wait a minute. Are we hugging? Have we ever done this before?
Rosa: No, and if you tell anyone, I'll slit your throat.

Amy: Oh, come on. I wanna hang out one last time before you before you leave us. You're really special, Gina, and even though- I'm sorry. I just get so emotional about these things, you know? I wish I could be more like Rosa.
Rosa: Huh? I got bored. What's going on?

Franco McCoy: Here's the security footage. It's rated G for Gonna Get Got.
Rosa: Less is more, Franco. Play the tape.

Rosa: Yeah, I bet he dipped it in a pile of cocaine, got it real numb, and then hit a croquet ball with it.
Jake: Totally possible.

Amy: Just sucks that she came forward to report an assault and the only one who truly benefited - is a guy named Beefer.
Jake: You don't know Beefer but-
Rosa: Oh, I've met plenty of Beefers.
Jake: Yeah.

Dr. Ronald Yee: I spent $6 million in federal grant money on this experiment and I've gotten nowhere. The closest I ever came was when they all landed on a Popsicle once.
Captain Holt: But in the apartment we saw them react to a cotton swab dipped in blood.
Dr. Ronald Yee: It was melted Popsicle. Jam works, too, but it's more expensive.
Rosa: So, Sir, you were saying something about us being common fools?

Sheena: Hey, so you don't by any chance need any molly, do you?
Rosa: I'm a cop.
Sheena: And scene. Now I'm out of character, and I don't sell any drugs. I am leaving.

Amy: Wait, why does Terry's team have four wins? He only won steaks, bowling, and the mobile escape room.
Sergeant Jeffords: You're forgetting about our breakfast at the Empire State Building.
Officer Heather: It was so cold up there.
Gary Jennings: It sounds a lot better than our indoor skydiving lunch.
Speaking of which, are we gonna get reimbursed for that?
Rosa: How dare you complain about the Funtastic FlyZone. That was funtastic fun for everyone.