Amy: Okay, squad, hope you ate lunch already, because it's lunchtime!
Sergeant Jeffords: What's with the getups?
Amy: Oh, nothing much. We just turned the parking garage into an elaborate paintball arena. It's zombie-themed. We hired 60 actors.
Sergeant Jeffords: That sounds pretty expensive.
Rosa: Nah, New York actors are desperate. For ten bucks, you can shoot 'em right in the face.

Rosa: Stupid piece of crap.
Jake: Rosa, come on. You can't break a mouse in half.
Rosa: [mouse snaps]
Jake: Oh, wow, you did. Scary. You really earn your rep.

Jocelyn: Okay, fine. But I'm leaving in 10 minutes.
Rosa: Okay, just wait in the break room. Don't sit on the couch. It's full of farts.

Charles: Well, fine. Looks like I'll just team up with my friend Rosa.
Rosa: I'm out. Five heists was enough. We've exhausted every possibility of this thing. Literally nothing new can happen. It's boring. You can have a long lunch with me instead.
Charles: Ooh, lunch? The devil's breakfast.
Rosa: Well, forget it.
Charles: Okay, I won't call it that. I just want to be included in something.

Jake: What do you do to these perps?
Rosa: Fear is a powerful aphrodisiac.

Captain Holt: Diaz, what's our status right now?
Rosa: We've picked up a bunch of dealers, but our main target is Tito Ruiz. We believe he runs the whole operation, only we can't prove it because none of his people will turn on him just because he bit off a few noses. Babies.

Gina: And I'm not the only one who thinks that.
Charles: You melted my fringe.
Rosa: You think I have an anger problem? I don't. You are both dead to me.

Charles: I'm so sorry, I just got some bad news. My sister was gonna go with me to an engagement party but she had to cancel.
Rosa: So go alone. Maybe you'll meet some new bag.
Charles: It's my ex-wife Eleanor's engagement party. I can't go alone. I'm worried it might seem a little pathetic.
Rosa: Yeah, if only you could've gone with your sister.

Captain Holt: No one has anything to say?
Rosa: Captain, what you just saw was the Jimmy Jab games. It's a bunch of dumb contests we play to kill the time. Nobody even cares who wins.
Amy: I won!
Rosa: It's stupid, but we like it.

Amy: I'm not kicking anybody, okay? I just need, like, some calming noises.
Rosa: Okay, close your eyes.
Amy: Okay.
Rosa: Glub, glub, glub.
Amy: What is that?
Rosa: It's a babbling brook. Glub, glub, glub.
Amy: You know what? It's pretty good.
Rosa: Thank you. Everybody, shut up! Glub, glub, glub, glub, glub, glub.

Amy: Urgh! Nothing's working!
Rosa: Maybe you just need to laugh. Here, look at this video of a man being trampled by a moose.
Amy: Dear Lord, that's horrifying!
Rosa: I know, it's hilarious.

Rosa: Everybody, shut up. You're all acting like a bunch of Ramonas.
Amy: Ramona?
Rosa: Yeah, she hated the smell of her coworker's holiday candle, so she threw it out. It was in that thing that you made us memorize.
Amy: You memorized it? But you said it was homework and you don't do homework.
Rosa: Yeah, well, you said to read it, so I read it. We're a team, ya flope.
Amy: It's catching on.
Rosa: Eh.

Rosa: In high school, I broke into a bunch of houses and wound up in juvie.
Amy: What? That's terrible.
Jake: I mean, yeah, Rosa's is a little worse.
Rosa: I was in ballet school, and there was so much pressure to be perfect all the time that I just snapped. If I hadn't been underage, I would've gone to prison.
Jake: It's all the more reason you should have sympathy for Debbie and understand why she could use our help.
Rosa: Nobody helped me. My parents kicked me out of the house - and told me I was on my own.
Charles: I'm so sorry you had to go through all that alone, Rosa.
Rosa: No, it was a good thing. I had to face my mistakes and fix them by myself. It made me a stronger person. So, no, I don't think we should take pity on Debbie.

Jake: Hey, you know that was Undercover Jake talking in there, right?
Rosa: Relax, man.
Jake: So you're not gonna tell Amy what I said.
Rosa: Oh, no, I definitely am. I'm saying relax because there's no way you can stop me.
Jake: Damn it.

Rosa: Here it is. Supply closet K. It's full of CPR training babies. No one goes in there because it's too creepy.
Charles: Oh my God. It's perfect.