Sergeant Jeffords Quotes Page 13 of 37

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Quote from the episode Ding Dong

Sergeant Jeffords: Hey there, Jake. I felt bad about folding your quarter in half, so I got you a new one.
Jake: Thank you. But that's not a quarter.
Sergeant Jeffords: Wow, you're right. That happens to be an 1883 Carson City silver dollar in near-mint condition complete with commemorative case. [whistles] That's gotta be worth $138. You know what? Keep it.

Quote from the episode Greg and Larry

Sergeant Jeffords: His cerebral blood circulation is infarcted. Get me an ICP catheter, stat!
Jake: Wow, that was amazing, Sarge.
Sergeant Jeffords: I watch a lot of "Grey's Anatomy." That show's surprisingly accurate.
Jake: Yeah, the one episode I watched, there was a bomb in the guy's butt.
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh, that's a good one.

Quote from the episode Ding Dong

Charles: Shame. Shame, Terrence Jeffords, shame! You probably didn't realize this, Jake, but the lieutenant over here is trying to bribe you.
Jake: Yeah, I don't think he's hiding that.
Sergeant Jeffords: I am not.
Charles: Well, neither am I. Here's a check for $200.
Sergeant Jeffords: Another silver dollar. Ooh, looks like I'm up to 276.
Charles: Well, here's a second check for $77. I am up one dollar.
Sergeant Jeffords: Four more.
Jake: How many silver dollars do you have?
Sergeant Jeffords: As many as it takes.

Quote from the episode Two Turkeys

Sergeant Jeffords: I was at the gym. Ava's birthday/Thanksgiving dinner's a high-caloric affair. Terry needs to earn that feast.

Quote from the episode The Takeback

Captain Holt: Have you found my business card?
Sergeant Jeffords: Uh, you know what, I actually brought it home by accident. I got confused because I know someone with that name.
Captain Holt: You know another Zeff?
Rosa: [chuckles]
Sergeant Jeffords: Yeah, he's married to Sharon's friend, Zudy. We have dinner with Zeff and Zudy once a month. You know, I'm gonna go home and get it. [chuckles] Excuse me.
Rosa: [whispers to Holt] I think they swing.

Quote from the episode Maximum Security

Sergeant Jeffords: You said there's nothing you can do to bring him back, but you're wrong. None of us are gonna stop fighting until he comes home.
Rosa: Thanks.
Sergeant Jeffords: And if you ever need to talk, or get drunk, or throw stuff off a roof, I mean, I don't know your process. Am I hitting on anything here?
Rosa: The roof thing sounds pretty good.

Quote from the episode Operation Broken Feather

Sergeant Jeffords: Tell me, what room is right down the hall from her desk?
Captain Holt: The bathroom.
Sergeant Jeffords: If people are afraid to walk by Diaz, bathroom breaks will be to a minimum.

Quote from the episode Yippie Kayak

Sergeant Jeffords: This better be an emergency. There better be a gun to your head.
Jake: Charles, Gina and I are in a hostage situation.
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh, God. I shouldn't have said the gun thing. Terry regrets the way he answered the phone.

Quote from the episode Maximum Security

Sergeant Jeffords: Also, I'm sorry about Pimento. I mean, I know how hard it is to have a fiancée disappear because the mob and the FBI want 'em dead. I mean- Actually, I can't relate at all. It's the saddest story I ever heard.

Quote from the episode Admiral Peralta

Captain Holt: You're not bad. You're maybe even... Good. But to make you great, I'd have to break you down to nothing. It would ruin our friendship.
Sergeant Jeffords: I can handle criticism. My daughters criticize me all the time. They're so mean now. Please help me, sir, please!

Quote from the episode Paranoia

Sergeant Jeffords: Look, I'm sorry I doubted you. I'm also sorry that someone's trying to kill you, but I can really only take ownership for the first part.

Quote from the episode Mr. Santiago

Rosa: Don't look at me. Terry wastes all that time building muscles, make him do it.
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh, come on, you all know these are just for show.

Quote from the episode The Favor

Sergeant Jeffords: Look, being a working parent is hard. When my twins were born, I made Sharon keep the phone on all day just so I could listen to them. One month, I used 25,000 minutes. I'm sorry, I just realized I told you it sucks and there's no solution.
Gina: That's okay. It's kind of nice to hear this kind of thing from another parent, so thank you.

Quote from the episode Thanksgiving

Sergeant Jeffords: Scully.
Scully: Heya, sarge.
Sergeant Jeffords: I know you gotten a secret stash of food hidden somewhere.
Scully: Oh no.
Sergeant Jeffords: Where is it?
Scully: Oh, I don't.
Sergeant Jeffords: Is it in your pockets?
Scully: No, come on.
Sergeant Jeffords: I'm gonna shake it out of your pockets.

Quote from the episode Safe House

Amy: I don't know what I was thinking. We've been at it for two hours and all we've got is three words.
Sergeant Jeffords: Really two. Terry's just fooling himself. "Apache's" a long shot at best.

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