Sergeant Jeffords Quotes Page 17 of 37

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Quote from the episode Your Honor

Rosa: It's beautiful. Are we better at this than our regular jobs?
Sergeant Jeffords: Unquestionably. We should start our own home renovation show.
Charles: I can see the poster. I'm on Terry's shoulders screwing in a light bulb, and Rosa stands by a ladder looking up at us like, "Oh, boy, what did I get myself into?"
Rosa: I love that idea.
Sergeant Jeffords: Sign me up.

Quote from the episode The Slaughterhouse

Charles: Ugh, what are we watching?
Sergeant Jeffords: They've been fighting like little kids all morning, and I can't get 'em to stop. I tried everything, ordering them to stop and- Well, that's really all I tried. But I'm their superior officer. That should've worked.

Quote from the episode Crime & Punishment

Sergeant Jeffords: Here are the account numbers for the bank where the money showed up. Now, we're in a real hurry. You think you can trace it back to its source?
Pandemic: Are you questioning my abilities? Watch this. What's your name?
Sergeant Jeffords: Why do you need-
Charles: Terrence Vincent Jeffords.
Sergeant Jeffords: Wait. What's happening?
Pandemic: You're getting hacked, bro. That's what's happening.
Sergeant Jeffords: Don't do that.
Pandemic: I'm in your home computer.
Sergeant Jeffords: You are? Get out.
Pandemic: You got a lot of songs by Natalie Imbruglia.
Sergeant Jeffords: Uh, I bought those back in the '90s.
Pandemic: Nope. Downloaded on Thursday.

Quote from the episode Crime & Punishment

Pandemic: Okay, now watch the Pandemic spread. There's a document in here that looks to be fan fiction for the show "Madam Secretary."
Charles: Oh, Sarge, I didn't know you were a fan of the Madam.
Sergeant Jeffords: The show leaves Terry wanting more. I'm just filling in the gaps.

Quote from the episode Crime & Punishment

Sergeant Jeffords: Just tell us if this is impossible. We don't have a lot of time to waste, and we've been here, like, five hours already.
Nightmare: Huh. You don't think I can do this? Is it because I'm a woman?
Sergeant Jeffords: No, no, I didn't say that.
Charles: I think women are amazing.
Nightmare: Thank you. And now I'm about to hack your world into pieces, old man. That'll show you.
Sergeant Jeffords: No. Just do the thing with the bank. That'll show me.
Nightmare: Whoa. Looks like someone was a catalog model in Japan.
Charles: Whoa! Those boots. That slicker. The no pants. Who's the target audience for these pics, Sarge?
Sergeant Jeffords: I was a starving student. Terry needed the yen!

Quote from the episode Crime & Punishment

Charles: I'm getting worried. We're running out of time.
Nightmare: It's fine. This place is open 24-5. Only closed on weekends.
Sergeant Jeffords: Such a strange theme for a restaurant.

Quote from the episode Crime & Punishment

Charles: Did you guys find anything yet?
Pandemic: Yes. Terry made a sizable purchase at an Etsy store that sells anklets for men.
Sergeant Jeffords: Sharon thinks they're sexy. Oh, come on! Focus on the case, man.

Quote from the episode The Lake House

Amy: Look, Holt just needs us to be there for him. Help him take his mind off of Kevin.
Sergeant Jeffords: He's always inviting us to his lake house to go bird watching, but we never do it because it's, you know, birdwatching. We could finally go.
Amy: He would love that.
Jake: Wow, stabbed in the back by my own mom.
Amy: What?
Jake: Wife! I said wife! Why do you keep not hearing me? Whatever! Let's just do Terry's plan.

Quote from the episode Payback

Jake: Do I even weigh anything to you?
Sergeant Jeffords: No, it's like holding a couple of grapes.

Quote from the episode Ransom

Charles: I cleaned up as much as I could, but I think that couch is gonna smell like bone broth for a while. So did you talk to your friend? Any chance he'll reconsider investing?
Sergeant Jeffords: Yeah, that's not happening. He said that was the most scared he's ever been, and he was on that plane that landed on the Hudson.

Quote from the episode The Good Ones

Sergeant Jeffords: I went to my barbershop to get a quick cleanup, and Boyle was there.
Charles: Yeah, got a low-drop fade with a crisp lining. I'm all about supporting Black businesses.
Sergeant Jeffords: Right.
Charles: Oh, are you upset about something, Lieutenant?
Sergeant Jeffords: It's just that the barbershop is my therapy.
Charles: Mm.
Sergeant Jeffords: It's where I go to clear my mind. And that's hard to do with you there.
Charles: Mm.
Sergeant Jeffords: Stop mm-ing me!
Charles: It's my listening noise.
Sergeant Jeffords: Listening doesn't require noise!

Quote from the episode The Oolong Slayer

Charles: Hey, sarge? You may want to slow down on those things.
Sergeant Jeffords: Things? These are the precious jewels of the rain forest, Boyle.

Quote from the episode The Lake House

Jake: How's it going, sir? You look chipper.
Captain Holt: Yes, well, I called Kevin and told him I still have feelings for him, and he said he felt the same. So we begin couples counseling next week.
Sergeant Jeffords: That's great, sir. I'm so glad. Looks like Captain Holt caught a fatty trout in his gill net.
Jake: You watched Alone?
Sergeant Jeffords: Every single episode. Terry has not slept!

Quote from the episode Admiral Peralta

Captain Holt: Hello. [laughs] You caught me stretching. I've been doing this and nothing else for the last half hour continuously.
Charles: I saw you watching Terry. You were finger conducting.
Captain Holt: Fine. Yes. I may have overstated my contempt for the music they play so that I wouldn't have to help Jeffords.
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh, no, am I so bad, I can't be helped? Aw, man, I wanted to play in the Thanksgiving Day Parade. Terry loves being in and among floats.

Quote from the episode The Lake House

Sergeant Jeffords: Sorry that took me so long. I cramped up halfway and then crawled for a little while. Maybe I should think about slimming down.
Jake: No, it's actually good you didn't make it back.
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh, thank you for saying that. Look, I can't change my body, it defines me.

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