Sergeant Jeffords: I care about my friends. Now eat your carrots, or I'll rip your tiny head off.

Rosa: Urgh, this church is so quiet.
Sergeant Jeffords: Pretty normal for a moment of silence.

Sergeant Jeffords: Terry loves women! Women be sane!

Hitchcock: Tell them I can't get on WebMD. My nipple tripled in size and I wanna know if it's good or bad.
Sergeant Jeffords: Can't believe that's good.

Captain Holt: I don't care who you report to, this is what you're gonna do.
You're gonna, um, put the wires... Um, Terry.
Sergeant Jeffords: Uh into the things. And and beef up the speeds. Got it? We want beefy speeds!

Jake: But how did you know he was gonna say "heists are dumb"?
Gina: Terry says that about everything.
[cut to:]
Sergeant Jeffords: Everyone should wear suspenders. Belts are dumb.
Sergeant Jeffords: People should swim forward. The backstroke is dumb.
Sergeant Jeffords: 30 grams of fat? Hummus is dumb.

Jake: Ooh, you can interrogate one of my perps.
Sergeant Jeffords: No, he can't. Don't do that, Jake.

Sergeant Jeffords: This is a lot of pressure. If I'm going to do this, it has to be done right.
Scully, get me my oils.

Sergeant Jeffords: And always make good eye contact.
Charles: But don't stare at people.
Sergeant Jeffords: Yeah, you gotta blink.
Charles: But don't blink too much.
Sergeant Jeffords: Or too fast.
Charles: I think the bigger worry is slow blinks.
Sergeant Jeffords: Don't blink too fast or slow or too much or too little.

Sergeant Jeffords: Woah. That is not a pimp walk, that's a limp walk.

Sergeant Jeffords: Enough! Look, Terry loves love. But Terry also loves maintaining a professional work environment.

Jake: Sarge, what's the big deal? We stopped two kilos of heroin from hitting the streets.
Who cares about one broken window?
Sergeant Jeffords: I do! I'm the one who has to spend all weekend doing paperwork because of your dumb stunt.
Jake: But Terry loves paperwork?
Sergeant Jeffords: No, Jake, I do not.

Jake: Oh, come on, Sarge. It's gonna be fun. You remember fun, right?
Sergeant Jeffords: What's that supposed to mean?
Jake: Nothing. It's just I planned this awesome guys' weekend for us, and all you can think about is Lyme disease.
Sergeant Jeffords: Untrue. I'm thinking about all tick-borne diseases anaplasmosis, tularemia, Rocky Mountain spotted fever.
You know, maybe I could just chill out a little.

Rosa: See, thing about Ms. Miriam is she made me a good dancer, but she ruined my childhood. She was constantly riding me about my posture and my technique and my pink hair.
Sergeant Jeffords: Pink hair?
Rosa: Never speak of that.
Sergeant Jeffords: Copy.

Sergeant Jeffords: Where is she?Where's Sharon?
Jake: Room 41B. Look, I'm sorry.
I know you said-
Sergeant Jeffords: Don't go to the hospital!
Jake: I tried calling you, you didn't pick up.
Sergeant Jeffords: So you decided to do the exact opposite of the one thing I told you?
Jake: I thought it was the right thing to do, Terry.
Look, she's in there with Captain Holt's ex-boyfriend right now, but don't worry, I made him promise to stop bringing up the duck.
Sergeant Jeffords: What the hell are you talking about?