Jake: Let's see what we got here. 40 photos of you standing next to the guy in the wheelchair and his cat.
Sergeant Jeffords: They did a photoshoot. They made mouse pads.
Jake: They are bad dudes.

Sergeant Jeffords: So, how's prison?
Rosa: Nobody likes cops in here, so I had to earn their respect by starting a bunch of riots.
Got thrown in solitary for a week. What's going on with your face?
Sergeant Jeffords: I hate seeing you like this, so I'm flexing my eyes real hard to keep from crying.

Sergeant Jeffords: There was no Japanese tea sock. But there was a Japanese man. I wasted a year on Chiaki.

Jake: Well, technically I'm the one wearing the watch, so that would make you Q at best.
Sergeant Jeffords: Terry Q.
Jake: Yeah. Way to roll with it.

Sergeant Jeffords: Relapsing is nothing to be ashamed of. A couple years ago on my birthday I treated myself to one piece of pizza. I woke up the next morning in a Sbarro on the Jersey Turnpike. It wasn't even open!

Sergeant Jeffords: There's Valdano. The watch is transmitting. All you have to do is lose it to him. Worst of luck to you.
Jake: Don't worry, Terry. I'm about to crap the bed.

Sergeant Jeffords: Legs for an hour, two hours blasting the glutes. Terry's got butt for days!

Captain Holt: So, Terry, you decided not to throw a party for Teri-with-an-I?
Sergeant Jeffords: You were right. Why bother trying to win over a stranger when I can make someone I care about happy instead?
Captain Holt: Well, for the record, Jeffords I like you a lot and I always have.
Sergeant Jeffords: All right. Whatever.
Captain Holt: I taught him well.
Sergeant Jeffords: Who am I kidding? Terry needs a hug!

Captain Holt: Okay. It was a two-man job.
Sergeant Jeffords: No, I didn't steal your pie either. I lied about the gym because I was still trying to find a Perry the Parrot for Ava. I forgot it was her birthday coming up and by the time I realized, the dumb toy was all sold out. I just didn't want you guys to know what a horrible dad I really am.

Jake: Terry, do you copy?
Sergeant Jeffords: I copy.
Jake: Seriously? You're still mad at me?
Sergeant Jeffords: All I said was "I copy."
Jake: Yeah, but you had a tone. Just admit it.
Rosa: Let it go, Jake.
Sergeant Jeffords: No, he's right. Terry had a tone. Terry had a big-time tone.

Sergeant Jeffords: We're gonna miss our flight. I should be sitting next to a semi-famous person that I can't quite place right now.

Sergeant Jeffords: Wait, wait! Just one more thing.
Captain Holt: Your first class mint? I know how important this is to you.
Sergeant Jeffords: You know what really makes a trip first class? It's not the extra leg room or the complimentary drinks-
Jake: Actually, Terry, we don't really have time for a speech right now.
Sergeant Jeffords: Fine, your breath sucks! Just pop it and go!

Sergeant Jeffords: Bam! Solid match. Okay, I've got three words. I've got an "and", I've got an "an" and a "he". Now, the "he" could be a part of a "the" or the end of "Apache". I don't know why, but I'm getting a strong "Apache" vibe.

Sergeant Jeffords: Okay, one of us is about to get access to the best detective car ever, and everyone else will go back to driving junk cars for the rest of your junk lives.
Rosa: Damn, Sarge, that took a dark turn.
Sergeant Jeffords: I want seat warmers. I want them bad.

Amy: Sergeant Santiago, commander of the Nine-Nine's uniformed officers, reporting for duty. My first order as Sergeant, tell me I look dope.
Sergeant Jeffords: You look dope.