Sergeant Jeffords Quotes Page 35 of 37

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Quote from the episode Sicko

Brian Floomryde: Well, my passion is performing. I do musical theater. It's the hardest form of acting.
Sergeant Jeffords: I agree. I am always saying, if you're not singing, you're not acting.

Quote from the episode Sicko

Sergeant Jeffords: You know Brian, this makes me think of something I saw on "Ellen." There was this lady, she wanted to be a cook, but her tongue was all messed up, and she had this friend who didn't even have a tongue I mean, she did, and now they own a taco truck in Lansing.
Brian Floomryde: Huh?
Sergeant Jeffords: Follow your dreams, man. You gotta follow your dreams. Find your taco truck.
Brian Floomryde: Wow. Thank you. That gives me a lot to think about. So what did you come down here for?
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh, uh, I had to borrow the water cooler.

Quote from the episode Sicko

Sergeant Jeffords: What do I do? Brian sounds terrible. I can't let him quit his job. He'll never get cast in anything.
Amy: Maybe he'll be one of those people on "The Voice" that's so bad they become an Internet sensation.
Sergeant Jeffords: That's not what they do on "The Voice", Amy, that's "American Idol". "The Voice" is purely a celebration of talent.

Quote from the episode Suicide Squad

Sergeant Jeffords: She's still standing there.
Rosa: Oh, since we got time, you wanna talk about your good-bye party? Will you eat a cake, or does it have to be boneless chicken breast?
Sergeant Jeffords: Sure. 70-year-old Terry can eat whatever he wants. You are talking about my retirement party, right? 20 years from now.
Rosa: Dude, you know I'm not talking about that. What do you think is gonna happen at the end of the week?
Sergeant Jeffords: I don't know, but I do know what's gonna happen right now. Topic change. You ever wonder where wind starts? I have. Wind is crazy.
Rosa: You need to face facts.
Sergeant Jeffords: About wind? I'm trying, but you won't engage. Why you in denial about wind, Rosa?

Quote from the episode Suicide Squad

Rosa: You know, I know I just got here, but it feels like everything's falling apart.
Jake: No, everything's going great, Rosa.
Sergeant Jeffords: Hey, cool. I'm not the only one that's in denial. It's catching on.

Quote from the episode Suicide Squad

Sergeant Jeffords: From the morgue? Man, we are always getting into the craziest situations. If I were leaving this squad, I'd miss these moments, but I'm not, so I won't.
Jake: Okay, seriously. What's going on with him?
Rosa: It's a whole thing.
Jake: Is it gonna screw up the plan?
Rosa: It's more quietly self-destructive.
Jake: Sounds good. Terry, do you.

Quote from the episode Suicide Squad

Sergeant Jeffords: Everybody just relax. We're not gonna go to prison. It's all gonna work out in the end. Should we play Celebrity?
Rosa: Come on, man.
Jake: Yeah, come on, Terry. No one wants to play Celebrity, the best game ever made.

Quote from the episode Operation Broken Feather

Sergeant Jeffords: I may have a solution. We need to compstat the office. What is compstat? It's just using data to identify problem spots in the neighborhood. Now, I have been taking notes on points of friction in this office for years. The red areas are places where no work gets done. If we can fix these problems without anyone knowing what we're doing, we will finish on time.
Captain Holt: Are you saying you want to secretly perform scientific experiments on your friends and coworkers to increase efficiency?
Sergeant Jeffords: Yes.
Captain Holt: Sounds fun, let's do it.

Quote from the episode Operation Broken Feather

Captain Holt: Tell me about the Boyle-linetti reaction.
Sergeant Jeffords: Boyle gets cold a lot because of what he calls his-
[cut to:]
Charles: Medically diagnosed thin skin.
[back:]
Sergeant Jeffords: So he goes to the lost and found, and he grabs something that's usually unflattering. That's when Gina gets involved.

Quote from the episode Operation Broken Feather

Sergeant Jeffords: Sir, I'm begging you, please, we have to stop. Boyle is still smoldering.

Quote from the episode Chocolate Milk

Sergeant Jeffords: Jake, I have to tell you something.
Jake: Oh, boy.
Sergeant Jeffords: I am a little conflicted about having a vasectomy.
Jake: Really? Is that why you threw an EKG machine at the doctor?
Sergeant Jeffords: I'm sorry I thought of you as a work friend. You're here, man. You're a friend friend. You made Terry get real with himself and his genitals. Your tiny head has a big heart inside it.
Jake: I know that's scientifically wrong, but thanks, sarge.

Quote from the episode The Mole

Rosa: And hey, you should never worry about your kids. You're the best dad I know. Cagney and Lacey are gonna grow up great.
Sergeant Jeffords: You think so?
Rosa: 100%.
Sergeant Jeffords: You're right. They're gonna be twin presidents. They'll either run as one person and trick everyone, or they'll run as two and they'll serve for sixteen consecutive years. It's a damned dynasty.

Quote from the episode Yippie Kayak

Sergeant Jeffords: He wants to storm the building. Jake: No! No, no, no. That is a bad idea. Look, we still haven't figured out where they're holding Gina and the rest of the hostages. If you guys come busting in here, things could go sideways real fast.
Sergeant Jeffords: That's what I told him, but then he just repeated it back to me in a lady's voice.

Quote from the episode New Captain

Captain Seth Dozerman: I have made promises to my superiors that I most certainly cannot keep. That's why I need you idiots to work twice as hard. No, no, no, strike that, four times as hard. No, no no, strike that! I need you morons to work eight times harder that you've ever worked in your entire life! I'm having a heart attack. Yeah, I'm having a heart attack. Get back to work.
Sergeant Jeffords: Get a doctor!

Quote from the episode Manhunter

Sergeant Jeffords: Hey, Santiago, nice work at checkpoint one. Wait, why are you guys being all weird again?
Amy: We're not being weird.
Sergeant Jeffords: Do not dab!
Amy: I wasn't going to.

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