Sergeant Jeffords Quotes Page 4 of 37

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Quote from the episode USPIS

Sergeant Jeffords: That's better than my excuse. I said I had to go to my girls' bat mitzvahs.

Quote from the episode Moo Moo

Captain Holt: Kind of seemed like you were gonna get up and leave after saying all that.
Sergeant Jeffords: I was, but I think I hear Margo.

Quote from the episode The Pontiac Bandit Returns

Amy: I asked the captain what qualified as a gift and he said anything I spend money on. Then I realized, my time is worth nothing.
Sergeant Jeffords: Sounds like you're bragging, but that's just a sad statement.

Quote from the episode The Chopper

Sergeant Jeffords: My girls are on the waitlist for their preschool, and it's twice as tough to get in with twins.
Rosa: Why don't you just get one of them in, and let them take turns going to school every other day?
Sergeant Jeffords: Diaz, that's crazy. I asked my wife and she said no.

Quote from the episode Sal's Pizza

Jake: Let's see. Sergeant Jeffords searched "undiscovered muscle".
Sergeant Jeffords: I was working out and I saw a muscle in my shoulder I'd never seen before. I thought it might have been a scientific discovery.

Quote from the episode Beach House

Gina: And just to clarify, just how untethered is vacation Terry from his wife?
Sergeant Jeffords: Very tethered.

Quote from the episode M.E. Time

Amy: Hey, sergeant, you know how you're really good at doodling?
Sergeant Jeffords: I know you think you're complimenting me, but calling them doodles is an insult. You a big fan of Picasso's doodles?

Quote from the episode The Mole

Sergeant Jeffords: Now let's go look for bad kids who went to sub-par pre-schools.

Quote from the episode The Oolong Slayer

Charles: But these aren't bad for you. They're full of fiber and antioxidants.
Go ahead, try one.
Sergeant Jeffords: Okay, fine. Just one. Mmmm. Damn, these are good.
Charles: And plus, they're organic and fair trade.
Sergeant Jeffords: Terry loves responsible agricultural practices.

Quote from the episode Terry Kitties

Sergeant Jeffords: Yeah, now they send me cats to remind me of that day and rub it in my face. I'm gonna go put a ad online so I can find someone to adopt this evil, little turd.

Quote from the episode Lockdown

Sergeant Jeffords: Fine, we'll go to my house. Or as Zeke calls it, Tiny Terry's Hobbit Hole.

Quote from the episode The Puzzle Master

Rosa: I don't know, we need better proof than a butt clench to take down Terry.
Sergeant Jeffords: I did it, okay? I cheated. I wanted that car, and I took it.
And it's killing me. I couldn't sleep all night. I just kept hearing the blinker. You-cheat, you-cheat, you-cheat. Here are the keys. Take the damn car. Terry doesn't deserve it.

Quote from the episode The Mole

Rosa: How'd you get involved in dealing giggle?
Sergeant Jeffords: Wait, wait, wait, wait. We gotta back this up. After pre-school, did you go to private or public elementary?
Suspect: Private.
Sergeant Jeffords: When were you potty-trained?

Quote from the episode The 9-8

Captain Holt: Look, I know this is an inconvenience; however, I expect you all to be accommodating to our guests.
Sergeant Jeffords: Don't worry, sir, we will be cordial A.F. "As Frasier." Love that show.

Quote from the episode Unsolvable

Jake: Good news, sergeant. I figured out what we're gonna work on this weekend.
Sergeant Jeffords: I'm working on spending time with my family. We're having a fancy tea party. I am the king of Origami napkins.

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