Roger Peralta: Is my dad here?
Jake: No. I called him and he said... How do I put this?
Roger Peralta: That I'm a useless screw-up and he's done with me?
Jake: Yeah, something exactly like that, verbatim, sure. Look, I'm really sorry that I forced this whole reunion on you. I think our family might be cursed, and I'm going to be a bad dad.
Roger Peralta: No, I was wrong. There's no curse. My dad is just a selfish dick. And I was too. All the other Peralta dads, we probably just learned it from each other.
Jake: Or it's just in our genes.
Roger Peralta: No, you proved that wrong. You care, and you do the work. You're reading parenting books before your kid is even born. You tried to get me and Dad back together. Hell, you even fished my thumb out of the cake.
Jake: Yeah, that was gross.
Roger Peralta: You're so excited about having a kid, you're having a sex reveal party. I never did anything like that, except that one time in Amsterdam.
Jake: I really wish you'd stop bringing that up.
Roger Peralta: Jake, you're going to be a great dad. And your son's gonna love you.
Jake: Thanks. And I think you're going to make a real good grandpa.
Roger Peralta: Hey, who's got two surgically reattached thumbs and is super proud of his son?
Jake: Oh, you don't have to...
Roger Peralta: This guy... [screams]