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Quotes from ‘Thanksgiving’

Thanksgiving

'Thanksgiving' - Season 1, Episode 10

Amy invites the whole precinct over for Thanksgiving dinner at her apartment, but her plans go awry when Jake leaves with the Captain to catch a suspect.

Air Date: November 26, 2013.

Quote from Hitchcock

Amy: Hitchcock, why do you have your shirt off?
Hitchcock: Can't spill food on your shirt if you're not wearing one.

Quote from Jake

Jake: Excuse me. Uh, so earlier at Amy's, I didn't give a real toast because I didn't know what to say. But since that time, a wise unsmiling man named Jerald Jimes made me realize what I am thankful for. So, I'd just like to say I am happy to be here with my family. My super weird family with two black dads, and two Latina daughters, and two white sons, and ... Gina. And I don't know what you (Scully) are. Some strange giant baby? To the Nine-Nine!

Quote from Rosa

Amy: Rosa is even wearing her formal leather jacket.
Rosa: It's the one without any blood on it.

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Sergeant Jeffords: Release your sweets!

Quote from Gina

Gina: Wait, are you only hosting dinner because you want to suck up to Holt? Not cool. This was supposed to be abut friendship.
Amy: You said the only reason you were coming was to see whether my apartment was the reason I'm single or it was my personality, like you suspected.
Gina: Yeah, but that was before I knew I could get up on this high horse.

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Terry: Urgh, what's in these?
Amy: Potatoes, butter, a little milk. Oh, and I ran out of salt, so I used baking soda.
Terry: Why wouldn't you? They're both white powders. Of course they're interchangeable.
Amy: Yeah.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: My wife was murdered by a man in a yellow sweater!
It's the one case I can't solve.
Don't fight with family.
It can all go away so quickly.
Sign this?

Quote from Gina

Gina: Oh, my God, Amy, that's so cool that you still live with your Grandmother.
Amy: I live alone. This is my stuff. I like quilts.
Gina: Stop. Each sentence is getting sadder.

Quote from Gina

Gina: (To Amy) Did you make the cover of "Hair Pulled Back" magazine?

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Terry: Okay. Excuse me. Can we please eat? My body is starting to digest itself. Terry needs nutrients!

Quote from Gina

Gina: Rough night?
Amy: Yeah, it certainly hasn't gone according to plan.
Gina: Oh, no. Oh, Amy, I was ordering a drink called a "Rough Night." It's tequila with a nicotine patch.

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Terry: Everything's spoiled. My lunch is ruined. My chicken, my potatoes, pasta, my meatballs, ham, my yogurt.
Boyle: Wow, that's a lot of yogurt.
Terry: I love yogurt.

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Boyle: So this is your lunch for, like, the month?
Terry: I need to eat 10,000 calories a day to maintain muscle mass. My wife made me all of this before she left town with the kids. That was everything in my fridge.

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Terry: Scully.
Scully: Heya, sarge.
Terry: I know you gotten a secret stash of food hidden somewhere.
Scully: Oh no.
Terry: Where is it?
Scully: Oh, I don't.
Terry: Is it in your pockets?
Scully: No, come on.
Terry: I'm gonna shake it out of your pockets.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Can I help you, Santiago?
Amy: Oh, captain. I didn't expect to see you there.
Captain Holt: In my office?

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Yes, I received your "Save the Date" decorative gourd. Your ornamental cornucopia. And this beautiful hand-crafted card of a turkey wearing a tophat.
Amy: It's a pilgrim's hat.
Captain Holt: Where's the buckle, Santiago?

Quote from Amy

Amy: Captain, I want to tell you something. I think you're... Like, when I was a little girl.
Captain Holt: You think I'm like when you were a little girl?
Amy: Forget it. The moment's passed.

Quote from Captain Holt

Raymond: Is this about your toast?
Amy: How'd you get that?
Raymond: Gina gave it to me. Very well written. There are several compelling anecdotes, the fonts suit the tone. Good work. I did feel, however, the word choice could have been improved in spots. I marked them "awk" for awkward.

Quote from Rosa

Holt: Hey. What are you all doing here?
Rosa: Amy broke everything and got us kicked out of the bar. Then, we got attacked by rats. It's the best Thanksgiving ever.

Quote from Rosa

Rosa: Looks like you live on the set of Murder, She Wrote.

Quote from Jake

Jake: Well, I got to say, it's not as bad as I thought it would be. The football game's not on so I can still watch it later at home, and it's kind of cool to visit a time before electricity was invented.

Quote from Jake

Jake: Why do we have to dress up for Thanksgiving? I don't even celebrate that stuff. The whole holiday is based on over-eating. We should be wearing velvet track suits and diapers.

Quote from Jake

Jake: I want to do what I do every year. Sit at home, watch football, and eat mayo nut spoonsies.
Those are spoonfuls of mayo sprinkled with peanuts.
Captain Holt: That's revolting.
Jake: Maybe so, but it's what I invented when I was six because my mom was working so I had to make dinner for myself. My sad story trumps your insult. Jake! Jake! Jake! Jake!

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Terry: I ate one stringbean. It tasted like fish vomit. That was it for me.

Quote from Jake

Jake: Hey there, criminal. It's me, Johnny Law.

Quote from Jake

Jake: I am thankful that Thanksgiving only comes once a year. People stuff themselves. And then at midnight, they run to appliance stores and trample each other to death. It's a garbage holiday. (Sobs) I'm sorry, I just get emotional when I talk about how bogus Thanksgiving is.

Quote from Charles

Boyle: I am thankful to have someone in my life who gives me a reason to get out of bed every morning. And I hope that my relationship with this person will only grow ... more intimate.
Gina: Who are you talking about?
Boyle: Umm, Hitchcock.

Quote from Charles

Amy: Charles said he loved them.
Boyle: I'm a text-book people pleaser. I have a serious problem.
This was great, though. You must be so proud.

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