Sergeant Jeffords: Sir, I can't get why you don't want me to file the complaint. I thought you of all people would support me.
Captain Holt: First of all, let me say, what that officer did to you was wrong, deeply wrong, and I'm furious about it.
Sergeant Jeffords: Okay. So why don't you back me up?
Captain Holt: Because that complaint could backfire. Cops who blow the whistle on other cops almost always face a backlash, just like people who socialize with Margo invariably hear about her trip to Scottsdale.
Sergeant Jeffords: You're real worked up about Margo.
Captain Holt: Sorry. She's horrible.

Sergeant Jeffords: You know why I became a cop?
Captain Holt: Please share.
Sergeant Jeffords: Because when I was a kid, I always wanted to be a superhero.
[flashback to young Terry trying to stop a bully:]
Sergeant Jeffords: Stop it! Stop bothering little Terry!
Bully: Or what?
Sergeant Jeffords: Or I will defeat you!
[as the bullies back off, Terry looks behind him and sees a black male police officer] Whoa.
[present:]
Sergeant Jeffords: I wanted to help people like that cop helped me. But right now, I don't feel like a superhero. I feel the opposite. When I got stopped the other day, I wasn't a cop. I wasn't a guy who lived in a neighborhood looking for his daughter's toy. I was a black man, a dangerous black man. That's all he could see: a threat. And I couldn't stop thinking about my daughters. And their future. And how years from now, they could be walking down the street, looking for their kids' Moo Moo, and get stopped by a bad cop. And they probably won't get to play the police card to get out of trouble. I don't like that thought, and I'm gonna do something about it. So I don't care if it might hurt my career. I'm filing that report. Even if I have to go over your head to do it.

Rosa: What's wrong?
Sergeant Jeffords: I got stopped by a cop last night.
Rosa: Stopped for what?
Sergeant Jeffords: Stopped for walking.
Rosa: That makes zero sense unless- Oh, crap. I see what happened.
Sergeant Jeffords: Yeah.
Jake: Sarge, that's terrible.
Amy: That's so messed up.
Scully: Oh, jeez. I have no idea what's going on.
Hitchcock: He got stopped for being black. Get woke, Scully.

Margo: Oh, Ray, there you are. I'm about to start my Scottsdale slideshow. It has all the highlights.
Captain Holt: There are no highlights in Scottsdale, Margo.
Margo: That's what you think, Raymond.
Captain Holt: [breathing deeply]

Captain Holt: There's politics to being a cop.
Sergeant Jeffords: But I wasn't harassed for being a cop. I was harassed as a black man.
Captain Holt: I'm not saying do nothing. I'm saying the most powerful action you can take is to rise through the ranks so that you can make large-scale changes. I've had to pick my battles, and it hasn't always been easy, but now I have my own precinct, a precinct whose officers would never do to you what Officer Maldack did.
Sergeant Jeffords: I understand what you're saying, but-
Captain Holt: Shh. I hear Margo's squeaky shoes in the hallway. One guess as to where in Arizona she brought them. Scottsdale.

Sergeant Jeffords: I'm sorry for interrupting your dinner party.
Captain Holt: No problem at all. This is important. Also, Kevin's friend Margo is here, and she's a real class-A drip.

Captain Holt: I thought a lot about our conversation. When I was a young police officer and things like this would happen to me, I felt very alone. I wanted to call out every bad cop I encountered, and there were a lot, but as a black gay man, I never had a superior who was on my side, so the advice I offered you, that came from a different place at a different time. I put all my energy towards rising to a rank where I could make a difference. Well, I'm there now, and I realize that if I don't back you up on this, I would be betraying the very thing that I worked so hard for, so I filed the complaint.

Captain Holt: Kind of seemed like you were gonna get up and leave after saying all that.
Sergeant Jeffords: I was, but I think I hear Margo.

Jake: Okay. Hang up. I'll call Gina.
Gina: Ugh. Come on, Jake. Just explain the deep-rooted institutionalized racism that remains pervasive in this country to this day.
Jake: Gina, they're children.
Gina: So put it in a song, Jake. Watch this. [singing] Racism, racism-
Jake: I'm hanging up.
Gina: Racism-
Jake: Gina, I'm hanging up.
Gina: Racism, baby-
Jake: That's a great song. I'm hanging up.

Charles: Mm, mm-mm-mm-mm! Mm-mm!
Jake: Why are you doing that with your face?
Charles: I'm smiling at Mommy and Daddy.
Amy: Ugh.
Jake: Gross.
Charles: Picking up Cagney and Lacey. One taste of practice parenting, and you two will be so hot to have sex. The kind that make babies.
Amy: Walk away, Charles.
Charles: Okay. But I'll be back in nine months.

Captain Holt: I came to a realization after you stormed out last night.
Sergeant Jeffords: I wouldn't say I stormed out. I shook hands with both you and Kevin before I left.
Captain Holt: And Kevin and I agreed that you squeezed significantly tighter than necessary.
Sergeant Jeffords: I guess I was a little worked up.

Sergeant Jeffords: I'm supposed to pick up Cagney and Lacey from day care in 30 minutes, but I have to stay late to work on an application I just got from Holt.
Rosa: They're six. They can take the subway.
Gina: Rosa, that's crazy. They're babies. Terry, just call them an Uber.
Scully: Or just have your sitter pick 'em up.
Jake: Scully actually has the most reasonable idea. These truly are strange days.

Amy: Um, you know how it's tougher in this world to be a woman?
Cagney and Lacey: It is?
Amy: No. No, no, no. That's not what I meant.
Cagney: Then I don't want to be a woman.
Lacey: Me neither.
Jake: You don't have to be if that's who you are. You know what? That's a whole other conversation.

Jake: I can't believe this I mean, nothing like that has ever happened to me, and I've done some pretty suspicious things in the street.
[cut to Jake climbing in a window wearing a mask]
Police Officer: Hey, hey, hey, there. What are you doing?
Jake: I'm just playing a prank on my buddy.
Police Officer: Sounds fun. Carry on.
[present:]
Charles: It was a very good prank. I totally thought I was gonna die.

Sergeant Jeffords: Where the hell is Moo Moo?
Jake: Oh, no. I think Terry has a child named Moo Moo, and we forgot to pick her up.

Captain Holt: Listen, I don't want to see your career derailed because you were besmirched for reporting on another officer.
Sergeant Jeffords: But what he did was wrong. He should be besmirched!
Captain Holt: Yes, but is that besmirching worth the greater besmirching of your career? You have to balance besmirchings.

Jake: Why are you acting so weird?
Sergeant Jeffords: I'm nervous. I'm gonna talk to Captain Holt about getting me more responsibility. Well, got to go. Die Hard. Explosions. Whatever.
Jake: Wait, no! Just when the conversation was getting interesting!

Sergeant Jeffords: Hey, Peralta. How's it going, man?
Jake: Pretty good. Thanks for asking.
Sergeant Jeffords: Cool, cool, cool. So how's it going?
Jake: I'm still pretty good. Nothing has changed.
Sergeant Jeffords: I hadn't heard about that.
Jake: All right, you're clearly not listening to me. I can say whatever I want.
Sergeant Jeffords: Tell me about it.
Jake: I murdered Charles this weekend.
Sergeant Jeffords: I feel you.
Jake: Now that I have the taste for blood, I can't stop murdering.
Sergeant Jeffords: Been there.
Jake: Okay, Sarge. Sarge?
Sergeant Jeffords: Jake. When'd you get here? I'm sorry. I'm just trying to see if Captain Holt is done with his meeting yet. So, how's it going?
Jake: Okay. We've been over this. I'm pretty good.

Rosa: So what are you gonna do? Slash his tires? You shouldn't do that, but just out of curiosity, what kind of car does he drive, and where does he park it?

Jake: Whoa. I can't believe it went down like that.
Rosa: Should we maybe revisit some of our earlier ideas vis-à-vis tires and slashing?

Charles: Lucky for you, Amy, I am an unlicensed doula. I've delivered three of my cousins and one of my uncles long story.
Jake: Go away!
Charles: Yes, Papa.

Charles: Gather round, y'all. It's time to play "Who Wore It Best?"
Sergeant Jeffords: I'd really rather not.
Charles: Because you're a wittle chicken? Who wore it best? Who wore it best? Who wore it beeest?
All: Terry.
Charles: What? Come on!
Jake: You should change, Boyle. [Charles starts undressing] Not here!

Amy: We have a problem.
Jake: I know. What kind of kids don't want to eat cake? Should we call Child Services on Terry?

Amy: Jake, I think we have to face the music and talk to them for real.
Jake: I know. You're right. But I'm gonna munch the cake batter while we do it. If you don't eat the raw egg fast, it makes you even more sick.
Amy: Never mind. Let's go.

Amy: Okay, girls. There's something called prejudice, which comes from the Latin words "pre," or "before," and "judicium," which means "to judge." Are you with me so far?
Cagney and Lacey: No.
Jake: No.

Sergeant Jeffords: Thanks for babysitting last night. The girls told me what you talked about, and it couldn't have been easy.
Amy: I'm sorry I told them orgasms was another word for oranges. I panicked.
Sergeant Jeffords: Yeah, it did make it awkward when they asked for orgasm juice this morning, but I was more talking about the other stuff.

Sergeant Jeffords: I appreciate that, Captain.
Captain Holt: Are you still upset?
Sergeant Jeffords: No. Not at all.
Captain Holt: You should consider modifying your handshake. It's sending the wrong message.
Sergeant Jeffords: Copy that.

Rosa: Are you two sure you should be babysitting? You seemed real freaked when you called me last night.
Amy: Yes, but then we figured out how to be good parents. TV and cake.
Jake: TV and cake were my parents. [Jake chuckles and then starts to look sad]
Amy: It's okay.

Jake: Well, look. Captain Holt cares about you more than anything. I'm sure he's got a good reason. Maybe you should go talk to him about it, you know? Go to his house.
Sergeant Jeffords: Yeah. That's a good idea. I'm gonna do that.
Charles: And while you're talking to him, Jake and Amy can babysit your kids.
Unless they're too busy making babies of their own. Shaka-daka-dow.
Jake: Get out of us.

Jake: Hey, Sarge? Everything okay? Only ask 'cause you haven't moved in the last 58 minutes.
Sergeant Jeffords: He doesn't want me to file the complaint.
Jake: Well, of course Officer Maldack doesn't want you to file the complaint. He's the one being complained about. I just realized you meant Captain Holt.
Sergeant Jeffords: Yeah.
Rosa: What? Did you mess up the grammar or something?
Amy: Did you dangle a participle? Ugh, Terry, Holt hates a dangler.

Amy: Why're you smiling? That was useless.
Jake: Are you kidding me? Hitchcock and Scully just handed us a gem.
[later:]
Amy: Who wants cake?
Cagney and Lacey: Me!
Jake: And who wants to watch "101 Dalmatians" and not ask any hard-to-answer questions about your father and race?
Cagney and Lacey: Me! Me! Me!
Jake: [Jake and Amy high five] A noice.

Sergeant Jeffords: Good morning, everyone.
Charles: Oh. My. Goodness. Sarge. What. Are. The. Chances?
Sergeant Jeffords: I say zero?
Charles: Ugh! I mean, when Genevieve got me these suspenders, I thought I'd lean into it and go for the whole look, but I didn't want to step on your toes.

Amy: I know, right? Check it out. Who was the first female congresswoman?
Cagney and Lacey: Jeannette Rankin!
Jake: Oh. That's fun. They won't get teased for that.

Jake: Hey, girls! Who's the coolest person you've ever met in your entire lives?
Cagney and Lacey: You are!
Jake: And who's the most handsome dude in all the land, even objectively more than Idris Elba?
Cagney and Lacey: You are!
Jake: Man, kids are awesome. You can tell them literally anything, and they'll just say it.

Jake: That was actually really cool with Cagney and Lacey. I think we rocked it.
Amy: Right? I don't see what the big deal is about being a parent that was so easy.
Jake: Yeah, anyone who's ever complained about parenting has no idea what they're doing. [cell phone ringing] Mm. Hey, it's the sarge. Probably calling for some child-rearing tips. [on the phone] Parent of the year speaking. Terry, baby, talk to me.

Sergeant Jeffords: It's not a baby, Jake. It's Cagney's blankie. She calls it that because it has a little cow head. She said she had it in the minivan. Where is it now?
Jake: Ugh-
[flashback to Cagney and Lacey playing with the windows in the minivan
All: Up. Down. Up. Down. Up. Down. Up. Down.
[present:]
Sergeant Jeffords: Never let 'em play with the windows. That's Parenting 101.
And Santiago, I can't believe you didn't stop it.
Amy: I'm sorry, sir. I knew it was wrong, and I did nothing, which is ultimately worse.
Sergeant Jeffords: Cagney can't sleep without Moo Moo. And if Cagney doesn't sleep, then Lacey doesn't sleep. And if Cagney and Lacey don't sleep-
Jake: Terry doesn't sleep.
Sergeant Jeffords: No. Jake doesn't live.
Jake: Oh my God.

Sergeant Jeffords: Sharon can't pick 'em up 'cause she's out of town with Ava, and the sitter doesn't get to my house till 6:30.
Amy: Jake and I can pick them up.
Jake: Absolutely. Couple of issues I don't have any car seats, and my rear window is technically a "shower curtain".

Amy: Oh, the liaison application got you down?
Sergeant Jeffords: I finished that.
Amy: I know. There's nothing sadder than finishing a nice, long juicy application. It's like, why can't there be another essay or even a short answer?
Rosa: No one is relating to you right now.

Sergeant Jeffords: Terry's got a big problem!
Amy: Ooh! Math or real life?
Sergeant Jeffords: Why would I have a big math problem?
Amy: I've seen it happen.

Cagney: Why was Daddy in trouble with the policeman?
Jake: Uh, that's complicated.
Lacey: Is it because he's black?
Jake and Amy: Uh.....

Sergeant Jeffords: Hello, Captain Raymond Holt, it is I, Sergeant Terrance Jeffords, your friend, but more importantly, your employee.
Captain Holt: I've never heard you speak like this, Sergeant. I like it. Each sentence so rife with information. Go on, please.
Sergeant Jeffords: Thank you.

Amy: We call Charles. He's a parent. He'll know what to do.
Jake: Smart.
Charles: Mm. A parental crisis. This is the good stuff right here. You are knee-deep in the thick, rich broth of parenthood.
Jake: Well, that was a nightmare.

Jake: Who else can we call?
Amy: I'm already ahead of you. Calling Rosa.
Rosa: Make 'em go to bed.
Amy: It's 6:30 p.m. They're not tired.
Rosa: Make. Them.

Scully: Hey, Jakey. Yeah, I'd love to chat, but I can't. Hitchcock and I are eating cake for dinner and watching a movie.
Hitchcock: Ask Amy if she wants to come over.
Jake: I'm hanging up.

Jake: Whew. I am so glad we don't have to do any more babysitting for a while.
Amy: I know. It was so stressful.
Jake: So stressful. But, like, actually kind of rewarding too.
Amy: Shaping young minds like that felt so powerful.
Jake: Yeah.
Amy: But, like, so exhausting.
Jake: Oh, yeah. Can you imagine doing that every night? Forget it. But also, their little shoes are so cute. They're like little circles.
Amy: I know, and everything they hold looks so big because their hands are so tiny.
Jake: Yeah, and they have to hold a cup of water with both hands 'cause they're so weak.
Amy: I know!
Charles: Whoo-whee! That's what I'm talking about!
Both: Boyle!

Jake: Yeah, we didn't really know what to say. At one point, I'm pretty sure I sang all of En Vogue's "Free Your Mind."
Sergeant Jeffords: Well, they had fun, and you made 'em feel safe. You did good. Oh, they made you a "thank you" card.
Jake: Aww. Pretty sure my nose isn't quite this big, especially with all the racial sensitivity talk, but I appreciate the effort.

Sergeant Jeffords: I should've known there was no talking to a guy like that. I don't see any other option. I'm submitting an official complaint with Holt.
Amy: I know it might feel weird to report another officer, but it's the right move.
Charles: Holt's gonna eat him for breakfast.
Rosa: Maldack has no idea what's about to hit him.

Sergeant Jeffords: I can do more, sir. I'd like to take on additional responsibilities.
Captain Holt: Good. I like seeing you take initiative. Let's see what there is.
One Police Plaza is looking for a City Council liaison. That's a rewarding but challenging opportunity, but I think you'll do a great job.
Sergeant Jeffords: That sounds perfect. Thank you, Captain.
Captain Holt: My pleasure. The application is due tomorrow.
Sergeant Jeffords: Okay.
Captain Holt: It's 96 pages.
Sergeant Jeffords: Okay. Okay.
Captain Holt: Not including a 4,000-word personal essay.
Sergeant Jeffords: Okay. Okay. Okay.
Captain Holt: Will that be a problem?
Sergeant Jeffords: No! Not a problem for Terry. Terry does not have a problem at all.
[cut to Sarge at Amy's desk]
Sergeant Jeffords: Terry's got a big problem!

Captain Holt: Please close the blinds. We're about to violate several departmental regulations.
Sergeant Jeffords: Ho, ho!
Captain Holt: All right! It's been a very long week, and as of right now, we're both off duty. I think we've earned a drink.
Sergeant Jeffords: I can get behind that.
Captain Holt: I heard from City Council about the liaison position.
Sergeant Jeffords: Is that right?
Captain Holt: You didn't get it.
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh. Oh, this is a sad drink. Was it the complaint?
Captain Holt: We'll never know for sure, but, uh, I think it's likely. However, this is not a sad drink. We're celebrating to doing the right thing.
Sergeant Jeffords: I don't know. Maybe we shouldn't have filed the complaint. Maybe I could've done more if I had gotten the liaison job.
Captain Holt: Maybe. But one thing's for certain. Maldack will think twice before making another bad stop like that again. That's a win.
Sergeant Jeffords: Yeah. It's tough.
Captain Holt: It is.

Jake: How ridiculous is Charles? Pssh.
Amy: So ridiculous. Pssh.
Jake: Pssh.
Amy: Pssh.
Jake: Pssh.

Captain Holt: So if Sharon's still out of town, who's, uh, looking out for Cagney and Lacey?
[cut to Gina and Rosa tied to chairs as Cagney and Lacey dance around them]
Rosa: Argh!
Gina: Argh!

Captain Holt: Terry, I know you're upset, but this is the right thing to do.
You're this close to the City Council position, and that's just the beginning.
It would be a shame to jeopardize that.
Sergeant Jeffords: Look, I get that the guys in our precinct wouldn't profile me, but it still happened only one precinct over.
Captain Holt: Which is why you need to keep pushing forward in your career, so that you can change the system. Terry, you're a great cop. You could become a chief or higher.
Sergeant Jeffords: How long will it take to make change that way? Maldack is on the street now.

Jake: Well, that wasn't so bad. Well, if you guys have any other questions, we're here for you.
Cagney: What's an orgasm?
Amy: Argh!
Jake: Come on!

Jake: Okay. Here we go. A cop did a bad thing and tried to get your daddy in trouble, but your daddy didn't do anything wrong.
Lacey: Because Daddy's black?
Jake: Yeah.
Lacey: That's scary.
Jake: It is scary. But that cop was wrong, and what he did was bad.
Amy: And the most important thing is your daddy's okay, and he's not in trouble, and he loves you both more than anything in the world.

Cagney and Lacey: Up. Down. Up. Down. Up. Down. Up. Down. Up. Down.
Amy: Oh, uh, maybe don't play with the windows? Jake, tell them to stop.
Jake: But playing with the windows is fun.
Amy: Jake.
Jake: And it could spark a lifelong interest in mechanical engineering.
But sure. If you want, I'll tell these young girls that you don't think science is a good fit for them.
Amy: Play with those windows, ladies.
Cagney and Lacey: Yay!

Sergeant Jeffords: Where did you start letting them play with the windows?
Jake: Uh, on Eighth. It was close to the house.
Sergeant Jeffords: It better be. The sitter leaves in ten minutes, and this is the last thing I need! Okay.
Jake: So sorry about this, Sarge. Oh, and one more thing. I love you.
Sergeant Jeffords: ... I love you too, Jake.

Sergeant Jeffords: Moo Moo? Moo Moo! [sighs]
Officer Malnack: What's going on, buddy?
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh, hey.
Officer Malnack: Whoa, whoa, don't move.
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh, I was just-
Officer Malnack: Step back. Keep your hands where I can see 'em. Drop that.

Officer Malnack: What're you doing in this neighborhood, buddy?
Sergeant Jeffords: I live here. Listen-
Officer Malnack: Whoa. You need to lower your voice.
Sergeant Jeffords: Lower my voice?
Officer Malnack: You know what? Put your hands on your head. Turn around. Don't make any sudden movements.
Sergeant Jeffords: I didn't do anything. Also, I'm a-
Officer Malnack: Keep talking. See what happens next, huh? Big guy.

Sergeant Jeffords: You think you two can handle watching the kids while I meet with Officer Maldack?
Charles: Oh, they can handle it.
Jake: Calm down, Charles.
Amy: Ugh.

Captain Holt: Sergeant Jeffords.
Sergeant Jeffords: That's right. It's me, Sergeant Jeffords, from the precinct. I'm the guy whose damn complaint you don't want to submit, and I can't think of one damn reason why!
Captain Holt: Everyone. This is Sergeant Jeffords.
Sergeant Jeffords: Hi!

Jake: What do we do? We can't call Terry. We told him we could handle anything. I've got it. We just leave. We go home. Never speak of this.
Amy: No! We can't leave the children that are in our care.
Jake: Right.

Sergeant Jeffords: Officer Maldack. Thanks for coming.
Officer Maldack: Hey. I'm really glad you set this up. I'm so sorry for what happened.
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh. Wow. I am really happy to hear that. I was thinking this conversation was gonna go a lot differently.
Officer Maldack: No, no. It was an honest mistake. I mean, if I had known you were a cop, I never would've treated you that way.
Sergeant Jeffords: So you're sorry for not knowing I was a cop sooner?
Officer Maldack: Yeah.
Sergeant Jeffords: And that's it?
Officer Maldack: Yeah.
Sergeant Jeffords: But you shouldn't have treated me that way whether I was a cop or not.
Officer Maldack: What do you mean?
Sergeant Jeffords: I was just walking down the street. There's nothing suspicious or illegal about that.
Officer Maldack: Okay, but you and I both know that you don't exactly look like you belong in that neighborhood.
Sergeant Jeffords: I live there.
Officer Maldack: Look. Nine out of ten times I get called to that neighborhood, it's about a guy that looks like you.
Sergeant Jeffords: Were you responding to a call?
Officer Maldack: No, but you're missing the point.
Sergeant Jeffords: No, you're missing the point. I just want you to admit you only stopped me because I'm black and to apologize and say you won't do it again!
Officer Maldack: Hey, look. We wouldn't even be having this conversation if you had your badge on you. Next time, don't forget it.
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh, so this is all my fault?
Officer Maldack: I'm not apologizing for doing my job.
Sergeant Jeffords: That's not the job, man.

Jake: Okay, we got chocolate-chocolate, chocolate-vanilla, and my personal favorite, a bowl full of cake batter.
Amy: And loads o' movies. Eh?
Lacey: We don't want to do that.
Jake: Uh, maybe you didn't hear us correctly. We've got cake. We've got movies. It's time to party!
Lacey: Is being black bad?
Cagney: We're black. Are we gonna get in trouble like Daddy?
Amy: Jake, can I talk to you for a second?
Jake: Yes, please.