Captain Holt: Diaz, you should be very proud of yourself. I know things aren't exactly where you wanna be right now, but, uh, I promise you they will improve.
Rosa: Thank you, Captain.
Captain Holt: Every time someone steps up and says who they are, the world becomes a better, more interesting place. So thank you.

Jake: Maybe just be honest with them. Right? Tell 'em how you feel. Like, you could say, "Mom, Dad, I'm bisexual. But I'm still your daughter. I'm still the same person that I've always been. And who I love will never change that.
And you guys raised me to be strong and confident. And I don't wanna hide who I am anymore. I am bi."
Rosa: Damn. That was-
Jake: "And I know that this may come as a shock to you, but it's my truth. So I hope you can accept that."
Rosa: Jake-
Jake: "Maybe you still see me as your little girl, but I'm woman now. And I know my own heart."
Rosa: You done?
Jake: Yeah. Wow, that felt amazing. I really disappeared into it. Should I become an actor?
Rosa: Absolutely not.
Jake: Copy that.

Captain Holt: Anything else?
Rosa: Uh, yes. Something I'd like to say. I'm a pretty private person so this is kinda hard for me, but here we go. I'm bisexual. All right. I will now field one minute and zero seconds of questions pertaining to this. Go.

Gina: Ehh, you know, in another lifetime, you and I would've made a hot ass couple.
Rosa: Agreed.

Captain Holt: I must say, this is going considerably better than when I came out to my colleagues. They were not, as the kids say, awake.
Jake: Do you mean woke?
Captain Holt: I did mean woke. But it's grammatically incoherent.

Jake: So are you seeing anyone now?
Rosa: Yeah. Her name's Tiffany.
Jake: Are you lying about her name so we won't look her up?
Rosa: Yes, I am. Next.

Captain Holt: I expect certain things from my assistant. Black ink only. No blue.
I'm not a street artist. Also, if you must knock on my door, limit yourself to two raps. If I wanted to hear inane pounding, I could go see "Stomp."

Oscar Diaz: Mijita, when you called this dinner, you were so nervous, we were worried you were gonna tell us you were gay.
Rosa: So you would rather me be some dude's mistress than be in a loving relationship with a woman? Well, Jake and I aren't dating. But guess what? Your worst fears are real. I'm not straight. I'm bisexual. And I don't care what you think about it. Screw this. I'm outta here.

Rosa: No, I mean when I told everyone I was bi. Was it too touchy-feely?
Jake: Rosa, no. It was great. And don't worry, just because you opened up a little bit doesn't mean everyone's gonna be less afraid of you. We're all still terrified.
Rosa: Thanks, Jake.

Charles: Bye Rosa. I mean, not "bi," but bye! I mean, see ya! I mean, have fun only having sex with men. Just bangin' dudes, left and right.

Rosa: What are you doing here?
Oscar Diaz: I wanted to say I'm sorry. I reacted poorly last night. This is all new to me.
Rosa: I know. But it's also not new, you know. I'm still the same person I always was.
Oscar Diaz: Well, I don't feel I know that person.
Rosa: Dad-
Oscar Diaz: My fault, not yours. I want you to be able to tell me everything. I can't promise you I'll understand. But I'm trying. I want you to know that I accept you for who you are. And I love you very, very much.
Rosa: I love you, too.
Oscar Diaz: So have you been on any dates with women, yet?
Rosa: Dad, we didn't talk about my dating life before, we don't need to talk about it now.
Oscar Diaz: Yeah, good, good. You're right.

Sergeant Jeffords: Look, that guy's watching a video. No buffering. They got all the bars, Captain. All the bars!

Captain Holt: We need your help, Gina.
Gina: Gina, ugh, I haven't heard that name in a long time.
Sergeant Jeffords: It's on your jacket.
Gina: I know, but no one says it out loud and my baby can't read. Which, I'm told is normal for a ten-week-old.

Oscar Diaz: Sing the song.
Jake: "Rosa, Rosa, Rosa, Rosa Rosa, Rosa, Rosa, Rosa, Diaz, Diaz, Diaz, Diaz Diaz, Diaz, Diaz, Diaz Rosa Diaz, Rosa Diaz Diaz Rosa, Rosa Diaz Diaz, you are so cool."
Rosa: Sounds better with a guitar.

Captain Holt: Yes, yes, babies are adorable. They're like we are but so much smaller.

Rosa: Amy?
Amy: How long have you known?
Rosa: Since seventh grade. I was watching "Saved by the Bell" and I thought, Zack Morris is hot. And then I thought Lisa Turtle, also hot.
Jake: The fact that the words Kelly and Kapowski didn't just come out of your mouth is lunacy.

Gina: Mm, thanks for saying that, and I don't know, uh You know what? You can have your blackmail files back. I don't want 'em anymore.
Amy: Gina, these are just photos of me in my everyday clothes.
Gina: [CHUCKLES] I know. It's painful, right?

Jake: Well, I'm just glad it worked out. Enjoy game night.
Rosa: Actually, they want you to come to make up for how awkward dinner was.
Jake: Oh, fantastic. I'm still involved. Well, I'm sure your dad is a super chill guy to play against.
Rosa: [LAUGHS] He is not.
Jake: Well, then, let's hope I'm on his team.
Rosa: That is worse.
Jake: Cool. So no good options. Super stoked about this invite.

Scully: Do you know Anne Heche?
Rosa: I do.
Scully: Ohh.

Gina: Captain Holt said he'd give me a 5% raise if I came back and he's letting me sit at my desk and work on my side business one day a week.
Captain Holt: We never had that conversation.
Gina: We just did, baby.

Jake: Okay, quick update on the Warren Street break-in. Security cameras caught a picture of the suspect and guess what? That's right. We got a hot perp alert.
[IMITATES AIR HORN]
All: Ooh!
Scully: That's a handsome man.
Amy: Mm, I'd like to bring that guy to justice.

Gina: Hey, little man. Why so teeny?
Devin Cathertaur: I'm not teeny. I'm average size.
Gina: [LAUGHS] What a sad brag.

Rosa: Can we just pretend to be a couple for tonight? And then I'll tell them in a few weeks that we broke up.
Jake: Fine, but I have one rule. Hands off my butt.
Rosa: That's not gonna be a problem.
Jake: Well, you say that now but you're about to enter the Jake Peralta boyfriend experience. It can be quite intoxicating.
Rosa: Also, you sat on a meatball.
Jake: Did I? Oh, man, these are my Friday jeans.

Jake: Oh, Captain. I would like a $40 gift card to any restaurant that serves nachos.
Captain Holt: I don't have you, Peralta.
Jake: Not only do I know that you do indeed have me, but I also know who everyone else has.
Sergeant Jeffords: That's not possible.
Jake: Perhaps not for an ordinary man such as yourself, Jeffords. But for the brilliant mind of Detective Sherlock Peralta - I legally changed my name - it's quite simply elementary. For, you see, Amy made a face I only recognized from our bedroom, which means that she has Captain Holt. Charles has Terry. His eyes keep shifting over to him.
Charles: No, I don't.
Jake: Terry looked disgusted, which means he has Hitchcock. Rosa didn't draw a name, nor did she put one in. She doesn't wanna participate.
Rosa: Never do.
Jake: Hitchcock moves his mouth when he reads and he quite clearly said Charles.
Hitchcock: I did get Charles.
Jake: Scully has Amy. He's hold his paper name-side out.
Scully: Oh, he's good.
Jake: And I have Scully, which means Captain Holt has me. I'll be taking that gift card. Daddy loves nachos.
Captain Holt: Should we draw the names again and leave Jake out?
All: Yeah!
Jake: No! Sherlock wants a present!

Jake: Anyways, I'm gonna head to the bathroom for the duration of one conversation.
Rosa: No! Uh, guys, I have something I need to tell you.
Julia Diaz: What is it, honey?
Rosa: Uhh, Jake, you take it.
Jake: Seriously? Me? Oh, man, now I really do have to go to the bathroom.
Oscar Diaz: What, you didn't before? You lied?
Jake: You know, Oscar, most people just ignore my nervous rambling.

Gina: Hey! Captain Holt, Terry, Charles, I wanna say Alan?
Charles: Close. It's Amy.

Captain Holt: I don't care who you report to, this is what you're gonna do.
You're gonna, um, put the wires... Um, Terry.
Sergeant Jeffords: Uh into the things. And and beef up the speeds. Got it? We want beefy speeds!

Hitchcock: Tell them I can't get on WebMD. My nipple tripled in size and I wanna know if it's good or bad.
Sergeant Jeffords: Can't believe that's good.

Captain Holt: And so concludes this year's Secret Santa drawing. Just a quick reminder of the rules: $40 limit, no perishable items, and no homemade massage coupons, Hitchcock.
Hitchcock: Fine, then everyone'll have to pay full price for them.

Oscar Diaz: You seem nervous. Why?
Jake: Uhh, global warming. What a bitch, right? We all gon' drown.

Jake: Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Diaz! America's favorite couple!

Devin Cathertaur: I don't even know who you are.
Gina: But I know who you are, Devin. You tell everyone you got a degree from Stanford but you really went to Stamforb, an online college based in Arkansas.
Devin Cathertaur: It's a good school.
Gina: You live with your aunt. That's sad. And you spend a third of your salary on tropical fish and aquaria. [LAUGHTER] You know, I found all this off of, hm, 20 minutes of idle snoopin' around. Imagine what I could do with a dedicated couple of hours.

Gina: Oh! And maybe your co-workers would like to know what happened on your 7th grade field trip to D.C.
Devin Cathertaur: You monster.
Gina: He pooped in the Reflecting Pool.

Jake: Hey, so, I ran after you last night, but I lost you in the subway.
Rosa: I took a cab home.
Jake: Really? Well, then, I definitely terrified some random lady.

Charles: Admit it. Amy and I changed your mind.
Gina: All right, it was you guys. I actually even cried a little bit after you left my apartment.
Charles: Aw.
Amy: Oh! I made Gina Linetti cry?
Gina: Hey, calm down. I had a baby ten weeks ago. I cried to a carpet cleaner commercial yesterday.

Jake: Hey, do you seriously only have two wine glasses?
Rosa: Yeah. I live alone.
Jake: Well, you're gonna need to get some more, 'cause there's a lot of us here.
Rosa: Thank you for doing this, man.
Jake: Of course. We'll be here every week.

Jake: Hey, got you coffee.
Rosa: I don't drink coffee. Just herbal tea.
Jake: Oh, that's cool. It only cost me, like, 18 bucks. Brooklyn is a nightmare.

Scully: Rosa, I broke both your wine glasses and your fridge door and your bathroom.
Jake: Every single week!

Charles: So, since you're not coming back, we wanted to bring you all your stuff.
It's a lot of gum and what seem to be blackmail files you've been keeping on all of us?
Gina: I'm not a blackmailer. If you tell anyone I am, I will release your secrets.

Sergeant Jeffords: I was thinking more like a pizza party when you come back in two weeks.
Gina: Oh, yeah. So here's the thing: I'm not coming back.
Captain Holt: What?
Charles: Seriously?
Gina: Yeah, listen, I have a daughter now and when she grows up I wanna be doing something that makes her proud. So I'm starting my own company.
Amy: Ooh! What is it?
Gina: I'm running a sports league for other people's pets.
Captain Holt: Ohh.
Charles: Well, Gina, as your colleague, best friend, brother and ex-lover-
Gina: Ugh.
Charles: I fully support your dreams, but do you really wanna leave?
Gina: My mind is made up. And so this is Gina Linetti's last grand exit from the Nine-Nine.

Captain Holt: It's loading! We got Internet!
Gina: All right, I guess my work here is done, guys.
Sergeant Jeffords: How can we ever thank you?
Gina: I'll tell you how. Use this precious Internet. Use it every day. Keep multiple tabs open, stream videos in HD, leave comments on everything you can find. Most importantly, make your avatars GIFs.

Jake: I'm also gonna go. Are you guys on Venmo? You know what? We'll figure it out later. This isn't the right time.

Amy: How's little Enigma doing?
Gina: We call her Iggy now, but you're gonna wanna keep it down because she's trying to take a nap, okay, Amy?
Amy: Oh, sure, I just feel like I was matching the same volume that you were speaking at.
Gina: Amy, keep it down.

Julia Diaz: Don't worry. We know what's happening.
Rosa: You do?
Julia Diaz: Of course. You and Jake are dating.
Oscar Diaz: That's why you were nervous. 'Cause you know I never liked him.
Jake: What? Okay, first of all, that's insane. We've only met once and we totally hit it off. We talked about soccer, I called it futbol. Oh, I see what happened.

Rosa: That's weird. My dad's here. Hey, do you mind staying out here with me to talk to him?
Jake: Um, yes, of course. Whatever you need.
Rosa: [LAUGHS] Your face. No, man, you've done enough. Get out of here.
Jake: Oh, thank God. Good luck.

Charles: Guys, without Gina, we'll never be able to bend Cyber to our will.
So we need to change tactics. We need to woo them with the international language of friendship. Pork.

Gina: No, sorry, I can't. That's precinct business and, well, I've left that life behind.
Amy: But your maternity leave is over in two weeks.
Gina: Amy, volume, okay? [louder] Volume!

Jake: This is nice. I can't believe you're buying me dinner.
Rosa: Oh, well, you really helped me today.
Jake: Did I? I felt like I sorta straight-splained how to come out to you.

Rosa: Hey. Was that weird earlier?
Jake: You mean when Charles showed us those pictures of Nikolaj taking a very sudsless bath? Yes, it was uncomfortable.

Rosa: Okay, we have time for one more question.
Hitchcock: Oh! Ooh, ooh, ooh!
Rosa: Nope. Absolutely not. We're done.
Hitchcock: Smart. It was not tasteful.

Charles: Look, we know you want your daughter to be proud of the work that you do. I just hope you know how important you've been to the Nine-Nine.
Amy: Yeah, just today, I was able to pull a warrant and arrest the guy I've been tracking for three months because you got the internet back. You're indispensible and we're really gonna miss you.
Gina: And I loved the Nine-Nine, you guys. It just feels like it's time for me to, like, build something of my own.
Like my entrepreneurial idols, Oprah Winfrey, Lex Luthor-
Charles: The Superman villain?
Gina: He built an empire, didn't he?
Charles: Yeah.