Jake: Hey, were you followed?
Sergeant Jeffords: Nope. I promise, they have no idea I'm working with you.
[flashback:]
Charles: Terry, have you seen Jake?
Sergeant Jeffords: Uh, no. That idiot's probably off working his dumb plan. He's so stupid. You know, the only reason Holt and I haven't fired him is that we're worried that he'll kill himself.
[present:]
Jake: Seems a little excessive.
Sergeant Jeffords: I told you. I don't wanna be tied to this plan. Look, I'm out on a ledge for you, and Terry hates ledges.
Jake: Wait, so you love hedges but hate ledges? You're just making this up as you go.
Sergeant Jeffords: No, I'm not. Name one time you've ever seen me happy out on a ledge.
Jake: I can't think of an example on the spot...
Sergeant Jeffords: Because Terry hates ledges.

Kevin: I have an EpiPen back at the house. Would you call someone to have them bring it?
Sergeant Jeffords: There's no reception. I'll just run back. I haven't done cardio in 20 years. How hard can it be? [runs] It's immediately awful!

Jake: My point is, Kevin knew it wasn't a corn crake, but he went to it anyway.
Sergeant Jeffords: Because he was going to you, not the bird! He still loves you! Our plan worked!
Jake: Our plan?
Sergeant Jeffords: Yeah! Terry is off the hedge and on the ledge!
Captain Holt: Well, that means a lot, coming from you Jeffords, given how much you hate ledges.
Jake: People don't know about Terry hating ledges! This is new!

Kevin: You tricked us into coming to the Lake House at the same time. You did a Das Doppelte Lottchen.
Jake: What? I don't know what that is.
Captain Holt: Das Doppelte Lottchen!
Jake: I'm only half.
Captain Holt: It's a German novel about a set of twins who try to reunite their estranged parents.
Jake: That's the Parent Trap! I knew my stratagem had classy origins.

Jake: Guys, come on, I've got a great plan here. No one wants in?
Sergeant Jeffords: Absolutely not!
[later:]
Sergeant Jeffords: Tell me the plan. I want in.
Jake: What? You do?
Sergeant Jeffords: Yeah. Terry loves love.
Jake: Then why didn't you back me up in there?
Sergeant Jeffords: Because Terry also loves hedging.
Jake: Terry loves hedging? That's new.
Sergeant Jeffords: No, it's classic Terry. Look, I always play both sides till the last possible minute, everyone knows that.
Jake: That's not fair. Everyone's so hard on me. I want a public show of support for my plan.
Sergeant Jeffords: Can't do it. Look, I don't know what's so tough for you to understand here. I love the scheme, I wanna be a part of it, but I think it's gonna fail, and I don't want people to think I was a part of it.
Jake: Fine, I'll take what I can get.
Sergeant Jeffords: Yes!

Jake: Step three: a romantic picnic. The perfect gill net for our trout to swim into.
Sergeant Jeffords: Huh?
Jake: Sorry. I've been watching that survivalist show Alone. It's really helped with my metaphors.
Sergeant Jeffords: You think they'll agree to have a picnic?
Jake: They won't even be in the same room together. It's not like we have an unbaited gill net, Terry. What's your plan? Forage for berries? [laughs] You wouldn't last two days in the Arctic, man.

Captain Holt: Shh! It's a corn crake.
Kevin: Oh, no, I can't believe it. I finally spot a corn crake, and my eyes are swollen shut.
Jake: It's okay, Kevin. I'll describe it to you. Okay, have you ever seen a duck?
Captain Holt: Peralta, I got this.
Jake: Oh, okay.
Captain Holt: The beak color is Pantone 4685C.
Kevin: Mm.
Captain Holt: The wing is Pantone 2322C spotted with 4515C.
Kevin: Ooh.
Captain Holt: The tail is Pantone 7525C with bands of 419C.
Kevin: Oh, my, my.
Captain Holt: Oh, Kevin, the throat... Pantone 7528C.
Kevin: Oh, Raymond.
Jake: Those are some hot Pantones.

Jake: What did Kevin say? Is everything okay?
Captain Holt: No. We just had a knock-down, drag-out fight.
[flashback:]
Captain Holt: My calendar had the Lake House as free.
Kevin: Strange. Mine had it as unoccupied.
Captain Holt: Well, it seems we're at an impasse.
Kevin: I would call it more of a deadlock.
[present:]
Captain Holt: He gets in such good zingers.

Captain Holt: He's tired from driving, so he's staying the night and going back in the morning.
Jake: Well, that could be good. Maybe you guys can spend some time together.
Captain Holt: We've agreed to keep our distance and issue a verbal warning anytime one of us is about to enter the room. [shouts] Raymond Holt entering the kitchen! [exits]
Amy: Jake, this is bad.
Captain Holt: [o.s.] Raymond Holt entering the second sitting room.

Captain Holt: Welcome to the Lake House.
Sergeant Jeffords: Where's the lake? I didn't see it on the way in.
Captain Holt: That's because there's no lake up here.
Sergeant Jeffords: But you said it was a lake house.
Captain Holt: No, we called it The Lake House. It was once owned by Kirsopp Lake, the scholar of textual criticism who wrote "Dated Greek Manuscripts to the Year 1200."
Jake: Yeah, Terry, it's obviously named after Kirsopp Lake. No one else was confused about that.

Charles: Amy! Hi! Hi, Amy!
Amy: Hi. Look, I just wanted to say thank you for getting Mac to sleep. I was being really stubborn earlier, and I guess what I'm trying to say is can I please have your nip tips?
Charles: You don't want my nip tips, those crusty old things.

Rosa: Okay, Barbecue.
Scully: Mm-hmm.
Rosa: Sweet Maui Onion, and the surprising underdog, Original.
Scully: I think I'm ready to crown a Chipeon.
Rosa: Chipeon? That's good.
Scully: Yeah, I came up with it because I misspoke. [both laugh]

Jake: So we got off to a bad start there with the bees and Kevin rolling down the hill, and then, of course, the second swarm of bees, but we're good now, right? Can you guys hear me? You keep moving away from me for some reason.
Kevin: Ugh, I wish a bee would sting me in both ears right now so they'd seal shut as well.
Jake: What was that? I couldn't hear you! I'll just assume you said, "Keep going." Anyways, yeah, I just figured if I could get you guys together, I could create a magical moment. But of course, we now know that magic doesn't exist.

Rosa: Damn it, I was looking for somewhere to be alone.
Scully: Sorry, I came out here looking for a signal to call Hitchcock, but no luck. I can take my chips and go.
Rosa: Wait, you have chips? You could stay.
Scully: Oh.

Sergeant Jeffords: Sorry that took me so long. I cramped up halfway and then crawled for a little while. Maybe I should think about slimming down.
Jake: No, it's actually good you didn't make it back.
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh, thank you for saying that. Look, I can't change my body, it defines me.

Charles: Are there tools in here? You see a saw anywhere?
Rosa: I told you to stay away, Charles. I'm not into your energy.

Jake: Here, while we wait, you could try putting this chilled bottle of champagne against your eyes. It might help.
Captain Holt: Peralta, why is there a romantic picnic sitting in this remote clearing? You set this whole thing up, didn't you?
Jake: Nuh-uh.
Captain Holt: You've manipulated us into spending time together.
Jake: Nuh-uh.
Captain Holt: Is that your entire defense? "Nuh-uh"?
Jake: Uh-huh.
Jake: Okay, fine, all right? Yes. But only because I care about you. And by the way, you should really make your shared calendar less easy to access.
Captain Holt: You got into our calendar?
Jake: Yeah, you already knew that. You said I set the whole thing up.
Captain Holt: I was talking about the picnic. What were you talking about?
Jake: Nuh-uh.

Jake: All right, we should be good. I think the swarm is gone.
Kevin: I think I was only stung once. How do I look?
Jake: Good, good, very good.
Sergeant Jeffords: Normal, very normal.
Captain Holt: Stop it. Kevin doesn't like to be lied to. You're disgusting to look at.
Kevin: Thank you, Raymond.

Amy: Charles!
Charles: Amy! I was just doing a little handiwork, you know, fixing up the old house.
Amy: I know you locked my son in there.
Charles: I'm sorry. I tried everything. Maybe he'll be happy growing up in that room.
Amy: Oh, shut up, Charles!

Kevin: [imitates bird call]
Captain Holt: [imitates bird call]
Kevin: Oh. You are not a corn crake.
Captain Holt: But you heard the call?
Kevin: Yes, it was... majestic.
Jake: [to Jeffords] Well, look what we caught in our gill net, a couple of fresh, fatty trout. That'll last us the next five days. More if we eat the egg sac.

Jake: They were being so sweet with each other and holding hands, it was amazing. They're totally back in love.
Captain Holt: [enters] Peralta, I need to ask you something.
Jake: Let me guess. Will I be the best man at a last-minute vow renewal ceremony that will serve as an emotional capper to this magical weekend?
Captain Holt: No, I need you to move your car. Kevin has decided to leave immediately.
Kevin: Kevin Cozner leaving the Lake House. [door slams]
Sergeant Jeffords: This was 100% all Jake.
Jake: Oh, Terry.

Charles: Amy, will you please pass the mini crab cakes?
Amy: Are you sure you can be trusted with something so small and delicate?
Charles: I can tell you're upset, but you should know that I was locked in a room for 16 days as a child, and I turned out just fine.
Amy: No, you didn't. You're a freak!

Jake: Okay, I'm staying out of this one.
Captain Holt: Shocking... I didn't realize you were capable of staying out of anything.
Scully: We have an announcement. We're here to crown the winner of this year's Great Tournament of Chips. Rosa?
Rosa: The Chipeon is... Smoky Bacon Chicken.
Amy: She's so high.
Jake: Yeah. Sounds pretty good, though.
Rosa: Ugh, you guys are duds. Scully and I are gonna bounce.

Jake: Oh, sir, that's a dribble cup. You're dripping on yourself.
Captain Holt: Am I?
Jake: Okay. Look, I'm really sorry.
Captain Holt: No need to apologize. Your Das Doppelte Lottchen scheme worked. You manufactured a perfect romantic moment, and I allowed myself to imagine, as Kevin held my hand, that he still felt something for me. When we came back, I walked him to his room, and just as I was working up the courage to ask him to stay, he said we shouldn't spend any more time together. Well, at least now I know that my marriage is over. So thank you, Peralta. [loudly] Raymond Holt leaving the living room.

Jake: Hey, crazy what a good mood Mac is in.
Amy: You mean given the fact that he was locked in a prison by Charles?
Jake: How long did he sleep?
Amy: You mean before he was rescued from the prison he was locked in by Charles?
Jake: I guess.
Amy: Three hours.
Jake: Whoa. What did Charles do?
Amy: You mean besides...
Both: Locking him in a prison.
Jake: Got it. I'll stop asking. Well, whatever he did, I'm loving his mood.
Amy: Whatever.

Jake: Sir, listen. I think Kevin wanted to stay. The only reason he left is 'cause he didn't know how you felt.
Captain Holt: Why would you think that? He's made no effort whatsoever.
Jake: Or has he? Did you know that Kevin is better at bird calls than you?
Captain Holt: Oh, a strange, hurtful non sequitur.
Jake: Now, who made the first corn crake call?
Captain Holt: I believe I did.
Jake: Correct. Kevin and I heard you, and he responded. But get this, sir. You made the wrong call. This is what a rooting corn crake sounds like. [bird call plays] The call you made was for a scarlet warbler. A trash bird.
Captain Holt: Okay, so you made your point. I'm a trash man who only knows trash birds.

Charles: Hey, Amy, I wanted to give you this. I made Mac a truffle squash puree. I'm not trying to show you how to do anything, I'm just trying to apologize.
Amy: It's okay, Charles. I actually learned something from you yesterday. Mac has trouble sleeping because I bother him too much. When he was locked in that room no one could check on him, and it was the longest nap he's ever taken. So thank you for the mousse.
Charles: I can't believe you actually took it.
Amy: Of course I took it. You locked my baby in a room, Charles. You're gonna be cooking for him until he goes to college, okay?
Charles: Okay.
Amy: Great, thanks.

Jake: How's it going, sir? You look chipper.
Captain Holt: Yes, well, I called Kevin and told him I still have feelings for him, and he said he felt the same. So we begin couples counseling next week.
Sergeant Jeffords: That's great, sir. I'm so glad. Looks like Captain Holt caught a fatty trout in his gill net.
Jake: You watched Alone?
Sergeant Jeffords: Every single episode. Terry has not slept!

Scully: Hey, Rosa, you wanna take a couple days off, drive to Buffalo, see the warehouse where Sweet Maui Onion chips are imported to? Unless you don't wanna hang out 'cause you're not stoned anymore.
Rosa: Actually, Buffalo sounds kind of cool.
Scully: Seriously? That's just not the weed talking?
Rosa: Oh, no, I'm not high at all anymore.
[later:]
Rosa: Oh, no, I was so high.
Scully: Good news. While you were asleep, we finally got cell reception.
Hitchcock: [on video call] What's up, cucks? So how did everybody lose their V-card? I'll go first.
Rosa: Amy was right. Drugs are bad.

Amy: Damn it, these blackout curtains don't keep the light out. Ugh! You screwed me on this, Shannon from Buy Buy Baby!
Charles: You know, Amy, Mac's issues with sleeping might not be the light in the room, it might be the darkness in your heart.
Amy: Excuse me?
Charles: Sorry, that was mean. I was trying to be poetic. It's important to be mindful of your energy when you're with an infant. Trust me, I'm sort of a natural mother.
Amy: Yeah, natural mother[bleep]. [Rosa laughs] How long have you been there?
Rosa: Oh, man, I have no idea.

Jake: Captain Holt is in pain, and we need to help him get back together with Kevin.
Amy: No, we don't. Holt is a very private person. We shouldn't get involved.
Jake: Okay, you guys probably don't know this, but my parents got divorced when I was a kid, and it really messed me up.
Amy: Yeah, we know.
Charles: Oh, my God.
Jake: What, do I talk about it a lot? It doesn't matter. The point is, we can't let that happen to Daddy Holt and Daddy Kevin.
Rosa: So we're just dispensing with subtext now?
Jake: Yes, this workplace is my family... was that not clear? Holt is my dad, you're my mean older sister, Amy's my mom.
Amy: What?
Jake: What did I say?
Amy: You said, "Amy is my mom."
Jake: Nobody said anything! We don't have time for this, Amy. Now, who's gonna help me Parent Trap Holt and Kevin? Seriously? Nobody's on board with my scheme? Is it because I called it a scheme? I can say something different. Nobody's on board with my stratagem?

Amy: Look, Holt just needs us to be there for him. Help him take his mind off of Kevin.
Sergeant Jeffords: He's always inviting us to his lake house to go bird watching, but we never do it because it's, you know, birdwatching. We could finally go.
Amy: He would love that.
Jake: Wow, stabbed in the back by my own mom.
Amy: What?
Jake: Wife! I said wife! Why do you keep not hearing me? Whatever! Let's just do Terry's plan.

Jake: You know, I thought it over, and I gotta hand it to you guys: this trip is actually a really great idea.
Sergeant Jeffords: This is surprising. You're usually a lot more petulant when we don't go along with your schemes.
Jake: Stratagems. And I've grown up a lot, Terry.
Sergeant Jeffords: Uh, you do know there's no phone reception at the lake house.
Jake: No! How am I gonna catch Pokémon? It doesn't matter. It's a community event weekend, so...

Rosa: How long is the drive up there? I wanna time my edible so it kicks in right when we arrive. [off Amy's look] What?
Amy: Nothing. It's cool. I'm not gonna tell anybody. I'm not a narc.
Rosa: All right, you can tell people.
Amy: Good, because I'm a narc.

Rosa: I'm not a cop anymore, and I have a prescription for anxiety, so it's legal. It'll be good for when all the drama starts.
Amy: Why do you think there's gonna be drama?
Rosa: Oh, no, you're right. Whenever we go on one of these group trips everything's totally normal and there's never any big conflict. Anyway, I'm just gonna pop one of these right now for no reason.
Amy: I'm not looking.

Amy: Let's see, Pack 'n Play, baby monitor, white noise machine, sleep sack...
Charles: Whoa, that's a lot of gear.
Amy: Yeah, it's our first time away from home with him, and he's such a terrible sleeper.
Charles: Well, at least you're doing the smart thing and asking for my help.
Amy: That is not what's happening.
Charles: Oh, I'm an expert, Amy. I basically raised ten nieces and nephews. I've done it all: bottled, swaddled, and coddled. Let's just say you're definitely gonna want my nip tips. [off Amy's look] Tips that nip a problem in the bud.
Amy: Why don't you just say tips?
Charles: Just the tips. Interesting.
Amy: Oh, come on, man.

Scully: Oh, hey, Captain Holt, do you have the Wi-Fi network? I need to Facetime with Hitchcock.
Captain Holt: Oh, there's no internet at the Lake House.
Scully: Then I'm alone.
Sergeant Jeffords: We're all here.
Scully: So you'll do the 64-round tournament Hitchcock and I designed to determine the best flavor of potato chip?
Captain Holt: No, that sounds like hell.

Captain Holt: This is the sitting room. We considered referring to it as a living room, but decided against it.
Jake: Fascinating!
[later:]
Captain Holt: This is the TV room. Or it was before we got rid of the TV. Now it is also a sitting room.
Jake: Two sitting rooms?
[later:]
Captain Holt: Now this... this is why we bought the place. The master sitting room.
Jake: Wow, look at all this seating!
Sergeant Jeffords: Jake, can I talk to you for a second?

Sergeant Jeffords: What's going on? There is no way you are this enthusiastic about too many sitting rooms and lake houses that aren't lake houses.
Jake: I'm just trying to be there for Captain Holt. I understand that the weekend's not about me.
Sergeant Jeffords: Nope. You're up to something.
Jake: I'm up to nothing, Terrence, and frankly, I resent the implication...
Kevin: [o.s.] Hello?
Jake: Okay, I'm up to something, Terrence.
Kevin: [o.s.] Hello?
Jake: I messed with Holt and Kevin's shared calendar. You know me so well! [Kevin enters] Oh, Kevin, what a surprise!
Kevin: Why are you all in my house? Raymond?
Captain Holt: Kevin? What are you doing here?
Rosa: [laughing] Ha, my edibles just kicked in. [laughing]

Jake: Okay, just give it a shot. They're already separated, it can't get any worse.
Rosa: It's a really good point.
Jake: Thank you, Rosa.
Amy: She's high as hell.
Rosa: That's also a really good point.
Jake: Damn it, Rosa!

Jake: Charles, what about you? You're my best friend. You support me in everything I do.
Charles: Oh, maybe the fact that I'm not on board is a sign that it's a really bad idea.
Jake: No, you've changed somehow, that's the only explanation.

Rosa: Hey, everybody. I got your text. What's the big emergency?
Jake: We need to talk about Captain Holt's love life. [Rosa groans] Come on, you've missed being dragged into your coworkers' personal lives, admit it.
Rosa: It's true, I have.

Sergeant Jeffords: Now, come on, tell me the plan.
Jake: Fine. Step one was getting them here together. Step two, reignite the passion. You'll handle Captain Holt.
[later:]
Sergeant Jeffords: Sir, you have something on your pants.
Captain Holt: Huh, I've sat in some sap, like a sap.
Sergeant Jeffords: At least you have a sense of humor about it.
Captain Holt: Not intentionally. I was upset and stumbled into accidental wordplay.

Jake: [v.o.] Meanwhile, I will take care of Kevin.
[flash-foward:]
Kevin: Kevin Cozner, entering the kitchen.
Jake: Oh, hey there, Kev. I was just grabbing a bite to eat. Can I offer you something?
Kevin: Well, I shouldn't, but today's been a fiasco, so what the hell. I'll have a snack of some water.
Jake: [v.o.] What Kevin won't know is that he will be drinking from a dribble cup.
Kevin: Oh, dear.
[present:]
Jake: And you said I was crazy to buy stock in Spencer's Gifts.
Sergeant Jeffords: How does you buying one novelty cup help the company's stock price?
Jake: It boosts confidence in the marketplace. You just don't know anything about business, Terry!

Sergeant Jeffords: Okay, so we've ruined their outfits. Why will that "reignite the passion"?
Jake: Because it will force them to change into clothes which I will have carefully placed at the top of their suitcases. Thus changing them both into a couple of thirst traps.
[flash-foward:]
Kevin: Kevin Cozner, preparing to descend the master stairca...
Captain Holt: Oh, I see you've changed into your... mock turtleneck.
Kevin: And you into your... exercise shorts.
Sergeant Jeffords: I feel dirty. You feel dirty?
Jake: I do. And I love it.

Scully: Oh, hey, Amy. Starting round three. You wanna try New Mexico-style Chile Verde?
Amy: Uh, my hands are kind of full here, Scully.
Scully: I can toss it to you. [throws chip]
Amy: Wha... Scully, don't throw chips at my baby!

Amy: I can't believe what I'm about to do.
[later:]
Amy: Charles, I need your help.
Charles: I'm not gonna gloat. I'm just happy he's getting the care he needs.
Amy: Okay, you might wanna be a little less cocky until after you actually get him down. Because, you know, some babies are just fussy and there's nothing that anyone can... Oh, my God, is he asleep?
Charles: [whispering] So can I be cocky now?

Sergeant Jeffords: What are we doing now?
Jake: We're getting Holt and Kevin back together! Now for Operation Corn Crake.
[cuts back and forth between Jake talking to Kevin and Jeffords talking to Holt:]
Jake: Hey, Kevin, I have a question.
Sergeant Jeffords: Is the corn crake an important bird?
Captain Holt: Yes.
Kevin: They're among the rarest species in the northeastern United States.
Captain Holt: A veritable holy grail within the bird watching community.
Jake & Jeffords: Oh, wow!
Jake: I only ask because...
Sergeant Jeffords: I read that one was spotted in the woods near here.
Holt & Kevin: Grab your binoculars. We're going birding.
Jake: Yeah, we are.

Kevin: We're pretty far north for a corn crake. Where did you hear of this sighting?
Jake: Oh, on the birdwatching app that Captain Holt recommended I download. You know how he is about birding. I guess you guys have that in common, huh?
Kevin: Hardly... Raymond is an adequate birdwatcher at best. He once confused a pileated woodpecker with a downy woodpecker.
Jake: Yeah. Pileated bootdecker and a pileated jecker.

Captain Holt: Huh. [sighs] It's nowhere.
Sergeant Jeffords: Uh, maybe you could flush out the corn crake by doing its mating call?
Captain Holt: I don't know why a corn crake would make such a call three months after its rooting season, but I suppose it can't hurt to try. [imitates bird squawking]
[elsewhere:]
Kevin: Hold on. That call. That's the call a corn crake makes when it wants to root. I'll respond. [clears throat] [imitates bird call]
Captain Holt: [imitates bird call]
[back:]
Kevin: This way.

Sergeant Jeffords: Jake, the picnic. It attracted bees!
Jake: Ack. Oh. Oh, God, they're everywhere! [screams] Get away! Quick, everyone form a wall around me!
Kevin: Peralta.
Jake: I'm sorry, Kevin. It's just I'm very allergic. If I get stung, I have a terrible reaction.
Kevin: Kind of like this?
Jake: Oh, my... No, that's much worse, I just get a scratchy throat. Why didn't you cower behind someone?

Amy: Can I join you? Mac's never been asleep this long, and I don't know what to do with myself.
Rosa: Charles locked your kid in the room.
Amy: What?
Rosa: You made me say it. If I didn't, you would've stayed here and ruined this good thing I got going with Scully and his chips.

Jake: No, no, no, we really saw a corn crake. Holt had to describe it to Kevin, and now he's leading him, by the hand, out of the woods. The Parent Trap worked! I can't wait to tell the squad.
Sergeant Jeffords: Wait, wait, let me give Kevin the EpiPen, and then we can tell them together.
Jake: Okay, whoa, whoa. Pump the brakes there, Sonic.
Sergeant Jeffords: What?
Jake: Sonic the Hedgehog. You've been hogging that hedge while I was out on a ledge. No, you didn't have to deal with anyone saying it was a bad idea, so you don't get the credit either. This was 100% all me, Dr. Robotnik.
Sergeant Jeffords: Who?
Jake: Sonic's archnemesis! You never played a video game or watched a movie, Terry? Get a life, dude!

Rosa: [covers ears] Oh, God, I can't be here for this. Oh, my mouth is so dry. It's all bad.
Amy: What's all bad?
Rosa: I can't tell you, Amy.
Amy: What can't you tell me?
Rosa: It's too real. I need to leave.

Jake: I still can't believe my scheme didn't work. I mean, we saw a corn crake and everything.
Amy: I know. What are the odds?
Jake: Right? I have to say, I don't see what the big deal is all about. I mean, this is what they actually look like.
Amy: Oh, that is not an attractive bird.
Jake: I know! It's like a dumb duck! And this is what its call sounds like. [bird call plays]
Amy: Oh, it's horrible! It sounds like a Taser.
Jake: No. It's wonderful. I have to go!

Jake: Sir?
Captain Holt: What are you doing here, Peralta?
Jake: I wanna prove to you that you're wrong to think that Kevin doesn't have feelings for you anymore.
Captain Holt: Okay. What is he doing here?
Jake: Oh, I wanna prove to him that he was wrong for hedging all day. But that's our own separate thing, so you can ignore it.

Amy: He forgot the sleep sack! And Mac doesn't even care! I can't watch this.

Charles: Uh... oh, no, no, no, no. Oh! I think I just locked Mac in his room. What do I do?
Rosa: Oh, sorry, man. I think the second edible just kicked in. This is a little too much for me. Also, this is not the vibe I was looking for.
Charles: No, no, no, Ro-ro, Ro-ro. I need your help.
Rosa: No, no, no. Adios, amigo.