Latest Brooklyn Nine-Nine Quotes

Quote from Jake in the episode The Last Day (Part 2)

Jake: [sighs] Well, I guess this is it. So long, Nine-Nine. [turns off lights]
Janitor: Hey!
Sergeant Jeffords: What are you doing? You can't turn off the lights at a working police precinct!
Jake: Right, sorry. Got caught up in my own thing. There we go.

Quote from Jake in the episode The Last Day (Part 2)

Amy: Oh, my God. You're awake. I can't believe it, you're actually awake.
Jake: Hey. Wait a minute. What's going on? I gotta get back to the heist.
Amy: No, the heist? Jake, you've been in a coma for seven years.
Jake: What?

Quote from Jake in the episode The Last Day (Part 2)

Jake: There you are, my cheating my wife! Give me the tube.
Amy: I don't have it. The baby's empty. You lied to me!
Jake: I'm not the liar, you're the liar. I put a tracker in the tube so I know you've hidden it somewhere in this... nope, you were telling the truth, it's on the move. Someone else has it.

Quote from Amy in the episode The Last Day (Part 2)

Amy: That worked so well. On to phase two. Thanks for doing that, Teddy. I'm really glad that we could be friends again.
Teddy: Of course. I'll always be here for you. Which is why I have a question to ask.
Amy: Oh, no.
Teddy: Amy Santiago, will you marry...
Amy: No! I am married to Jake.
Teddy: And I'm married to Elizabeth. It's perfect. Plus, you just betrayed him. You guys are obviously having issues.
Amy: No, I only betrayed him to pull off my secret plan. I am throwing him the perfect goodbye and it has to be a surprise.
Teddy: Fine. But if you think I'm just gonna sit around and wait for you change your mind... you're right. I will be parked outside for two more hours.

Quote from Hitchcock in the episode The Last Day (Part 2)

Captain Holt: Are you sure he came back to the precinct? The tracker must be broken. There's no one here.
Hitchcock: Wrong, Captain! I'm here. Michael Hitchcock, the Grand Champion of the Nine-Nine.
Charles: Hitchcock?
Jake: Well, this doesn't feel right.

Quote from Gina in the episode The Last Day (Part 2)

Captain Holt: But if I don't have the winning tube, who does?
Rosa: [shutters open] I do.
Gina: Yet another surprise reveal again.

Quote from Jake in the episode The Last Day (Part 2)

Amy: You're cutting me out? This is about you wanting fireworks, isn't it?
Jake: Oh, Amy, it's about so much more than that.
[later:]
Jake: It's one million percent just about the fireworks.
Charles: Those look very dangerous.
Jake: No, it'll be fine. We're not gonna be anywhere near when it goes off. You control the whole thing from your phone.
Charles: How do you know when it's armed?
Jake: The red light starts blinking.
Charles: Like that one?
Jake: Uh-oh, uh, uh... you know what? This is okay, this is okay. I can just turn it off using the app. "Set up your profile first?" Why? How many times am I gonna use a fireworks app?
Charles: It started counting down!
Jake: Name, email. "Select the squares with stop signs in them?"
Charles: Okay, Jake, we gotta go!
Jake: Is a stop light a stop sign? Charles, is a stop light a stop sign?
Charles: I don't know, they both require full stops! Jake, come on!
Jake: All right, I'm in. No, "username already taken?" Who would want to use "Jake?" [countdown beeping] Oh, no.

Quote from Jake in the episode The Last Day (Part 2)

[about a year later:]
Sergeant Jeffords: Now that that's been sorted, are there any questions?
Jake: Yes! I have a question! Captain Jeffords, are you ready for the Halloween Heist?
Sergeant Jeffords: What are you doing, Peralta? Last year was the final heist. We all agreed it was over.
Jake: Ah, Terry, you jolly simpleton. That was obviously a ruse. I mean, did you really think I was gonna let Hitchcock win the last heist? I mean, that would be crazy! Hitchcock? It would've been unforgiveable.
Hitchcock: That's true, it felt wrong.
Captain Holt: I know someone who's in. The old janitor, which is actually me! Deputy Commissioner Raymond Holt.
Amy: And he's not the only one. I'm in too.
Rosa: Me too.
Gina: As am I. Gina Linetti.
Jake: That's right, Terry, this is happening every year. We're in each other's lives forever, whether you like it or not. So, what do you say, Captain? Are we doing this?
Sergeant Jeffords: What I say is... Nine-Nine!
All: Nine-Nine!

Quote from Amy in the episode The Last Day (Part 2)

Jake: What do you mean I've been in a coma?
Dr. Midj: A firework hit you in the head. It caused a destabilizing brain injury.
Jake: Oh, my God. Is Charles okay?
Amy: Yes. He survived the explosion, but he blamed himself for what happened to you so he left New York. He's actually the sheriff of a small town in Arizona. The town is so small he also has to be the school principal.
Jake: Okay, that's weird.
Amy: It's actually very funny. And surprisingly heartwarming.

Quote from Charles in the episode The Last Day (Part 2)

[about a year later:]
Sergeant Jeffords: Shaheen and Dunn, you're on the Prospect Park tagger. Gates, Nahar, remember to check in with Forensics. Boyle, Larkin, I want you working the J Street Axe murder.
Detective Larkin: Ooh, we're the butcher bimbos.
Charles: No.
Detective Larkin: The butcher babes.
Charles: Nope.
Detective Larkin: Detective Boyle and his little butcher buddy.
Charles: Oh, I like that.

Quote from Jake in the episode The Last Day (Part 2)

Jake: Hello? Hello? Is there anyone here? Mlepnos?
Mlepnos: No.
Jake: What? Yeah. You played violin at my wedding. You're Mlepnos!
Mlepnos: No, my name is Jerry. Jerry Barfralatistan.
Jake: What? It doesn't matter. I need your help. Can you please hand me the keys that are down there?
Mlepnos: Yeah, yeah, yes. Thank you, I love keys.
Jake: Oh...
Mlepnos: And this is for you. [soft chirping]
Jake: What?
Mlepnos: As they say in my country, a chicky for a key.
Jake: Right. And what country is that again?
Mlepnos: Honolulu.
Jake: Okay. You know, if it's all the same, I'd really just rather have the key.
Mlepnos: You no want chicky? I don't want key.
Jake: Oh, perfect. Yes! Thank you, Mlepnos.
Mlepnos: No, it's Jerry... Barkakanatsan.
Jake: I feel like maybe you said it a little different the first time.

Quote from Jake in the episode The Last Day (Part 2)

Jake: Hey, bud.
Charles: How'd you know where I was?
Jake: Because this is where you had to be because this is where it happened.
[flashback: nine years ago:]
Charles: Hey.
Jake: Hey. Sorry to drag you in on the weekend.
Charles: Oh, it's fine, I don't mind spending a few hours with my best friend. I shouldn't have said that. It was too soon.
Jake: No. Charles, you're my best friend too.
Dr. Oliver Cox: Hey, guys. I found another leg!
Jake: Oh, how gross!
[present:]
Jake: I forgot that we wore those fashion scarves for like a month that year.
Charles: I still think they worked.
Jake: No.

Quote from Hitchcock in the episode The Last Day (Part 2)

Hitchcock: I bet you're all wondering how I pulled it off.
Rosa: Not really, but I guess that's the tradition.
Hitchcock: The key to the whole plan was that I never really retired or moved to Brazil. I've been living in the Beaver Trap this whole time.
Jake: Okay, but what was the rest of the plan?
Scully: Oh, we had not come up with it. But then Bill came by and offered to sell me the tube for 40 bucks and I won.
Scully: Pretty good stuff.
Hitchcock: Now, crown me.
Jake: Ugh, this stinks. Okay, Michael Hitchcock, you are an amazing human/genius and the Grand Champion of the Nine-Nine. Why is your head so sweaty?
Hitchcock: Oh, because that's actually butt skin from a botched hair transplant so there are more pores.
Jake: I can't believe this is how it ends, with Hitchcock's sweaty butt head.
Scully: I told myself I wouldn't cry.

Quote from Rosa in the episode The Last Day (Part 2)

Rosa: Hey, can I talk to you? I have a question.
Amy: Is it will I ever forgive you for betraying me and abandoning me in a car?
Rosa: No, I have no questions about that interaction. It was funny and I'm pleased with how it played out. This isn't about the heist. What did you think about, um, me and Pimento as a couple?
Amy: Oh, uh, I don't know. You guys always made me a little uncomfortable. There weren't a lot of boundaries.
Rosa: Is this about that time we smashed in your car?
Amy: You did? Which car?
Rosa: All of them. And once in your dad's Miata.

Quote from Gina in the episode The Last Day (Part 2)

Rosa: My point is, when Adrian and I broke up, something felt off. I think it's 'cause I wasn't out yet so I couldn't really be myself with anyone. But I don't know, I always thought we would end up together. And now he's going away and... ugh, this is stupid.
Amy: It's not stupid. You gotta tell him how you feel.
Rosa: He's already at the airport and he doesn't own a phone. I'll never make it in time.
Gina: Yes, you will! Another surprise reveal.
Amy: I mean, we knew you were around.
Rosa: I watched you enter.
Gina: Nope, you were both shocked. Come on, I'll give you a ride to the airport.
Rosa: I mean, that's nice but traffic.
Gina: Oh, sweet Rosa. There's no such thing as traffic when you're driving in an armored truck.
Rosa: Okay, let's do this.
Gina: I already have my keys. Ooh, yet another surprise reveal.

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