Madeline Wuntch: Wait a minute. You thought I cost you that promotion because you're gay? That's what you've been mad about all these years?
Captain Holt: It's one reason.
Madeline Wuntch: I don't care that you rejected my advances. Your sexual identity is the one thing I actually respect about you.
Captain Holt: Then what are you mad about?
Madeline Wuntch: I'm mad because you tried to get me thrown off the force.
Captain Holt: Yeah, because you shot me.
Madeline Wuntch: I shot you because you were in the wrong position. You weren't following orders.
Captain Holt: What about the time you destroyed my personnel file while I was undercover?
Madeline Wuntch: What if there had been a mole?
Captain Holt: You were trying to make me disappear.
Madeline Wuntch: You embarrassed me in front of Derek Jeter!
Captain Holt: You embarrassed yourself in front of Derek Jeter.

Madeline Wuntch: What the hell, Raymond? You were following me?
Captain Holt: I don't know what you're talking about. I've been here the whole time.
Madeline Wuntch: My mistake. These two goons were carrying a dirty old mop that looked exactly like you.

Captain Holt: We're here are about a new and very potent for ecstasy that has surfaced in our precinct; street name, giggle pig.
Madeline Wuntch: Hmm, an embarrassing blight growing right under your nose. Not unlike that moustache you had when we first met.
Captain Holt: That moustache was era-appropriate.

Madeline Wuntch: I like what you've done with your office, Raymond. It's cozy. Like a shoebox one buries a dead hamster in.

Captain Holt: Captain Wuntch. Good to see you. But if you're here, who's guarding Hades?

Doctor: We weren't able to do the procedure. Your friend is so large-
Jake: That you needed a bigger saw to cut through his dingus.

Jake: That's so bitter. What's wrong with this chocolate milk?
Store Owner: Dark milk isn't chocolate milk. This is teat-to-mouth raw cow's milk. The bitterness of the chocolate brings out the sourness in the milk.
Jake: That's the worst part of both of those things.