Jake: But don't worry. I have a plan that guarantees I'm not gonna tell him. I've cut him out of my life completely.
Amy: That doesn't seem sustainable.
Jake: Yeah, well, so far, it's working and it's foolproof, so-
Charles: Morning! Jake, can I talk to you for a second?
Jake: Mm-hmm.
Charles: I feel like we haven't hung out in forever.
Jake: Oh, is that so? I didn't realize. Is that the case?
Charles: You wanna get a drink after work tonight? I'm dying to tell you about Genevieve's new shampoo. It's edible.
Jake: Oh, wow, that sounds so fun, but I actually can't because I have plans with Ted... Crap. It's a friend of Amy's. The point is, I'm unavailable for a very real reason.

Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.

Amy: I can't wait to see the inside of Raymond's house. I'm gonna learn everything there is to know about him.
Charles: I bet it's really fancy. Like Beauty and the Beast fancy.
Jake: No, it's probably just an empty, white cube with a USB port in it for him to plug his finger in when he's on sleep mode.

Jake: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.

Adrian Pimento: Uh, I'm scared of heights, Jake.
Jake: Yeah, so am I, Adrian.
Adrian Pimento: This might not be the time to tell you, but both my parents died falling out of lighthouses, separate incidents.
Jake: Oh, man, I have so many questions, but for now, just follow my lead, okay?

Jake: So you still annoyed?
Amy: Yes. You can't keep saying "mischief managed" after we finish sex.
Jake: It's what Harry Potter says when he needs to clear the Marauder's Map.
Amy: Obviously, I know that, but I would prefer to keep wizard terms out of our sex life.

Sergeant Jeffords: Before we wrap up this briefing, I wanted to give a few shout-outs. Diaz, great job on that B&E. You are a good cop with a great attitude.
Rosa: I don't like this.
Sergeant Jeffords: Santiago, when I think of your CompStat reports, one word comes to mind: wow. And that "WOW" is an acronym for "Wow, oh, wow. "
Amy: What is happening?
Captain Holt: He's buttering us up before giving us some devastatingly bad news. My God, Jake and Charles are dead.