Jake: Now, Gina is gone, so we're out of a host.
Charles: Me! Please, me. It's my time to shine. It's my "Greatest Showman" moment.
Jake: Charles, you can't.
Charles: You know who else they told "You can't"? Lettie Lutz, the bearded lady. But then, Mr. Barnum gave her a stage. Give me my stage, Jacob.
Jake: Wait, so you're the bearded lady?
Charles: No! I'm Barnum, you're Zac Efron, and everyone else is one of my freaks.
Jake: Look, I would love to give you the hosting duties so you can work through whatever weird fantasy this is, but we need at least six players and the host can't play.
Charles: Then I'll find someone to replace me. I promise you will have your circus, Mr. Barnum.
Jake: I thought you were Barnum.
Charles: No! I'm the greatest showman!
Jake: Isn't that Barnum?

Sergeant Jeffords: So we have good news, and we have bad news.
Charles: My Nana always said, "Bad news first because the good news is probably a lie." Fun fact: she made me cry a lot.

Sergeant Jeffords: Boyle! Were you dreaming about Jake again?
Charles: Why did you wake me up?! I told you never to wake me up!

Charles: Is the equipment secure?
Jake: Check.
Charles: Weapon loaded?
Jake: Check.
Charles: Did you have breakfast?
Jake: What? That's not on the checklist.
Charles: I added it because I care about you.
Jake: No, I did not have breakfast.
Charles: Unacceptable. Look in your pocket.
Jake: Hey, there's little chocolate chips in this.
Charles: Yeah, I'm not an idiot. I know how to trick my best friend into eating his fiber.

Captain Holt: So Diaz, I figured out why you wanna win. I hacked your work calendar.
Rosa: Those calendars are public. Everyone on the system has access.
Captain Holt: I hacked it. I'm a hacker.

Charles: Damn it, my pants. Sorry, everyone. Look away, look away.
Jake: Oh, damn.
Amy: Wow, who knew?
Jake: He really is the greatest showman.

Charles: Okay, here we go, everyone. The game begins when the elevator doors ding. Are you ready for the Hellevator?
Hitchcock: Buckle up. The juice is loose! I am, Hitchcock!
Jake: What the [bleep]?