Jake: Now, Gina is gone, so we're out of a host.
Charles: Me! Please, me. It's my time to shine. It's my "Greatest Showman" moment.
Jake: Charles, you can't.
Charles: You know who else they told "You can't"? Lettie Lutz, the bearded lady. But then, Mr. Barnum gave her a stage. Give me my stage, Jacob.
Jake: Wait, so you're the bearded lady?
Charles: No! I'm Barnum, you're Zac Efron, and everyone else is one of my freaks.
Jake: Look, I would love to give you the hosting duties so you can work through whatever weird fantasy this is, but we need at least six players and the host can't play.
Charles: Then I'll find someone to replace me. I promise you will have your circus, Mr. Barnum.
Jake: I thought you were Barnum.
Charles: No! I'm the greatest showman!
Jake: Isn't that Barnum?

Sergeant Jeffords: So we have good news, and we have bad news.
Charles: My Nana always said, "Bad news first because the good news is probably a lie." Fun fact: she made me cry a lot.

Charles: Hey, Rosa, are you ready to go streaking?
Rosa: What?
Charles: That's what my dad and I called getting blonde streaks in your hair. We used to do it to our ponytails on road trips. You just take a little lemon up top, and let the sun do the rest. We called it giving each other road head.
Rosa: You just said you called it going streaking.
Charles: It had a couple names.

Charles: Are you blackmailing me? I don't have any money, Hitchcock. I'm still paying my uncle's funeral bills. I rear-ended the hearse. It was a mess.

Captain Holt: So Diaz, I figured out why you wanna win. I hacked your work calendar.
Rosa: Those calendars are public. Everyone on the system has access.
Captain Holt: I hacked it. I'm a hacker.

Charles: Damn it, my pants. Sorry, everyone. Look away, look away.
Jake: Oh, damn.
Amy: Wow, who knew?
Jake: He really is the greatest showman.

Charles: Okay, here we go, everyone. The game begins when the elevator doors ding. Are you ready for the Hellevator?
Hitchcock: Buckle up. The juice is loose! I am, Hitchcock!
Jake: What the [bleep]?