Charles: Uh, wait, where's Jake?
Amy: Well, there's a TV cart suspiciously in the middle of the room, that ceiling tile's out of place, and he said he was going to hide somewhere reckless, so I'm guessing he's up there.
Jake: That's right, Amy. I'm in the ceiling. Unlike you boring, old fogies, I found the craziest... [Jake and half the ceiling crashes to the floor] Don't worry. My bones and ribs broke my fall.

Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.

Amy: I can't wait to see the inside of Raymond's house. I'm gonna learn everything there is to know about him.
Charles: I bet it's really fancy. Like Beauty and the Beast fancy.
Jake: No, it's probably just an empty, white cube with a USB port in it for him to plug his finger in when he's on sleep mode.

Jake: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.

Captain Holt: So Diaz, I figured out why you wanna win. I hacked your work calendar.
Rosa: Those calendars are public. Everyone on the system has access.
Captain Holt: I hacked it. I'm a hacker.

Charles: Damn it, my pants. Sorry, everyone. Look away, look away.
Jake: Oh, damn.
Amy: Wow, who knew?
Jake: He really is the greatest showman.

Charles: Okay, here we go, everyone. The game begins when the elevator doors ding. Are you ready for the Hellevator?
Hitchcock: Buckle up. The juice is loose! I am, Hitchcock!
Jake: What the [bleep]?