Rosa: That's Shane Reed. Suspect in a string of B&Es. Got pulled over this morning. This was in his trunk.
Jake: Son of a bitch!
Rosa: Peralta... Peralta, calm down.
Shane Reed: Why am I here? I didn't do anything.
Jake: You broke into 15 houses, Shane, but that's not what I care about right now. All I care about is what we found in your car.
Shane Reed: I don't understand.
Jake: He doesn't understand, Diaz. Why don't you fill him in?
Rosa: "You are invited to celebrate the wedding of Katherine Joyner and Douglas Judy."
Jake: Douglas Judy, AKA Doug Judy, AKA, the Pontiac Bandit.
Shane Reed: Maybe.
Jake: That's a yes. Now tell me, Shane, when did you get the invite?
Shane Reed: What?
Jake: When did you receive the invite in the mail and how come I didn't get one?
Shane Reed: Why would you get an invite? Do you know Doug?
Jake: Hey, I'm the one asking the questions here!

Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.

Amy: I can't wait to see the inside of Raymond's house. I'm gonna learn everything there is to know about him.
Charles: I bet it's really fancy. Like Beauty and the Beast fancy.
Jake: No, it's probably just an empty, white cube with a USB port in it for him to plug his finger in when he's on sleep mode.

Jake: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.

Jake: So, what's going on? Anything exciting in your life that you maybe want to tell me about?
Doug Judy: I got a new job. I sit behind white CEOs when they have to testify before Congress, so they don't look so racist. Every 15 minutes I just whisper some nonsense at 'em.
[flashback:]
Doug Judy: The texture of quiche is unsettling.
[present:]
Doug Judy: I got paid $75,000 for that nonsense.

Jake: What the hell was that? You almost blew my cover.
Doug Judy: Yeah, they're all suspicious now. You have to help us convince them that Jake's not a cop.
Trudy Judy: Why? I don't understand why you invited him. This was supposed to be a crazy weekend of boobs and butts.
Doug Judy: Trudy Judy, you're not gonna see boobs or butts this weekend.
Trudy Judy: I'll see butts if I wanna see butts.

Jake: All right, look, Judy, I know you're getting married.
Doug Judy: Damn it, I didn't think you'd find out about that. Who told you, Ronnie? Bobby? Ricky? Mike?
Jake: Don't try and change the subject by tricking me into singing New Edition with you.
Doug Judy: I don't know what you're talking about. Ronnie, Bobby, Ricky and Mike...
Both: [singing] If I like the girl who cares who you like
Doug Judy: Whoo!