Rosa: Calm down, Jake. Maybe it's a small wedding.
Jake: Okay, good point. How big is the venue, Shane? I said how big is the venue?
Shane Reed: I... I... I don't know!
Jake: I... I... I... I don't know! But I bet you do know the password to the wedding website, don't you?
Shane Reed: Yeah, I guess.
Jake: Well, then I guess you better tell it to me, Shane. You wash my back, I'll wash yours.
Rosa: Wash?
Jake: I meant scratch. You know I meant scratch. Now tell me the password.
Shane Reed: I think it's "dougandkateforever."
Jake: There, was that so hard, Shane? You did the right thing. Now get this piece of trash out of my sight. Oh, is forever spelled out, or is it the number four?
Shane Reed: Oh, it's spelled out.
Jake: Okay, thank you so much. Now get this piece of trash out of my sight!

Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.

Amy: I can't wait to see the inside of Raymond's house. I'm gonna learn everything there is to know about him.
Charles: I bet it's really fancy. Like Beauty and the Beast fancy.
Jake: No, it's probably just an empty, white cube with a USB port in it for him to plug his finger in when he's on sleep mode.

Jake: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.

Jake: So, what's going on? Anything exciting in your life that you maybe want to tell me about?
Doug Judy: I got a new job. I sit behind white CEOs when they have to testify before Congress, so they don't look so racist. Every 15 minutes I just whisper some nonsense at 'em.
[flashback:]
Doug Judy: The texture of quiche is unsettling.
[present:]
Doug Judy: I got paid $75,000 for that nonsense.

Jake: What the hell was that? You almost blew my cover.
Doug Judy: Yeah, they're all suspicious now. You have to help us convince them that Jake's not a cop.
Trudy Judy: Why? I don't understand why you invited him. This was supposed to be a crazy weekend of boobs and butts.
Doug Judy: Trudy Judy, you're not gonna see boobs or butts this weekend.
Trudy Judy: I'll see butts if I wanna see butts.

Jake: All right, look, Judy, I know you're getting married.
Doug Judy: Damn it, I didn't think you'd find out about that. Who told you, Ronnie? Bobby? Ricky? Mike?
Jake: Don't try and change the subject by tricking me into singing New Edition with you.
Doug Judy: I don't know what you're talking about. Ronnie, Bobby, Ricky and Mike...
Both: [singing] If I like the girl who cares who you like
Doug Judy: Whoo!