Scully: We barely got to know her.
Hitchcock: And now we never will.
Charles: I feel so bad for them, but what do you say to someone that's suffered this kind of loss?
Amy: I mean, it's kind of on them for not checking the voltage on a machine that has a built in air-fryer.
Hitchcock: Don't blame the victim, Amy.

Amy: Hey, I think I found something interesting. I was double-checking last month's surveillance photos, and I noticed this. Hawkins has two different phones: her normal cell, and then this one that only has one app on the home screen Snapchat.
Hitchcock: Oh, she's up to something. Snapchat messages disappear. You can send anything to anybody, and after they see it, it's like I never sent it.
Captain Holt: Nobody ask Hitchcock why he knows that.

Sergeant Jeffords: Hitchcock called himself Scully by accident.
Hitchcock: I did, but it brought me and Scully closer together.

Amy: Hitchcock, why do you have your shirt off?
Hitchcock: Can't spill food on your shirt if you're not wearing one.

Jake: So, what's going on? Anything exciting in your life that you maybe want to tell me about?
Doug Judy: I got a new job. I sit behind white CEOs when they have to testify before Congress, so they don't look so racist. Every 15 minutes I just whisper some nonsense at 'em.
[flashback:]
Doug Judy: The texture of quiche is unsettling.
[present:]
Doug Judy: I got paid $75,000 for that nonsense.

Jake: What the hell was that? You almost blew my cover.
Doug Judy: Yeah, they're all suspicious now. You have to help us convince them that Jake's not a cop.
Trudy Judy: Why? I don't understand why you invited him. This was supposed to be a crazy weekend of boobs and butts.
Doug Judy: Trudy Judy, you're not gonna see boobs or butts this weekend.
Trudy Judy: I'll see butts if I wanna see butts.

Jake: All right, look, Judy, I know you're getting married.
Doug Judy: Damn it, I didn't think you'd find out about that. Who told you, Ronnie? Bobby? Ricky? Mike?
Jake: Don't try and change the subject by tricking me into singing New Edition with you.
Doug Judy: I don't know what you're talking about. Ronnie, Bobby, Ricky and Mike...
Both: [singing] If I like the girl who cares who you like
Doug Judy: Whoo!