Jake: Why would I blow up my own desk?
Dillman: For the task force. I just heard you say you wanted to prove to Holt that you're a great detective. That's why you set this whole thing up. It was a perfect plan, and you would've gotten away with it if not for me.
Jake: Wow. You're a lunatic.
Dillman: Would a lunatic know that your body temperature just rose 9/10 of a degree indicating guilt?
Jake: Yes.

Jake: The point is a crime has been committed, and someone in this room did it. There are seven suspects all with means and motive. It appears what we have is a classic whodunnit.
Captain Holt: The phrase "whodunnit" is a grammatical abomination. Please use the proper term, a "who has done this."
Jake: I will not.

Dillman: So now I'd like to move on to a real suspect. I wanna see detective Diaz in the box.
Charles: [gasps]
Jake: What... don't gasp for him. What are you doing?
Charles: I'm sorry. It just slipped out.
Rosa: Title of your sex tape.
Jake: Yeah, it's... obviously it's the title of his sex tape. Everyone's taking my stuff.

Jake: Fair point, but we do shatter a lot of glass around here. Either it's Rosa who's disappointed in her Buzzfeed results...
[flashback to Rosa on a computer:]
Rosa: I am not a Blanche! [throws the mouse through a window]