Kevin: Raymond, Cheddar is fine. He's coming back to us, and that is why I bought a new GPS tag to put on his collar.
Jake: Thank you, Kevin. At least some of us are thinking clearly.
Kevin: Yes, crystal clear. In fact I bought 5 GPS tags. One for his collar and one for each arm and leg. I'm going to make bracelets to put them on, and I'll never lose my Cheddar again.
Jake: Okay, a little unsettling, but I like your positivity.

Captain Holt: I brought you your box of DVDs.
Jake: Oh, thank you. Oh! Forgot about this one. We never watched "Captain Corelli's Mandolin".
Kevin: What the hell did you just say?
Jake: "Captain Corelli's Mandolin"?
Kevin: Say that to my face.
Jake: "Captain Corelli's Mandolin"?
Kevin: There was a movie about a mandolin, and you kept it from me for two months?
Jake: Well I didn't think it was any good. It's just some period piece.
Kevin: What?
Jake: Set in Greece.
Kevin: Oh, my God.
Jake: Based on some dumb book. *Kevin knocks the DVD out of Jake's hands* Aah!
Kevin: Terribly sorry. It has been a very trying time.

Jake: But going out into public is a huge risk, so maybe let's go over some self-defense techniques. *Kevin punches Jake in the throat* [gasps] [chokes] Usually, you warn somebody before you do that.
Kevin: Raymond told me that the element of surprise was crucial.
Jake: Cool. [coughs] So he's a great teacher. But I will say this. If you're going to do a throat punch, it is key that you say something cool afterwards like, "choke on that".
Kevin: Right, but they're not choking. They're experiencing airway trauma. Ooh, how about, "Better get some corticosteroids to treat that laryngeal fracture".
Jake: Okay, yeah, that's very informative and quite polite. [ahem] But maybe add a "dirtbag" on the end?
Kevin: But a dirtbag is a useful part of a vacuum. I don't see how it's an insult.
Jake: All right, you know, puncher's choice.

Jake: But sir, the stench. It needs some way to escape.
Kevin: I already feel as though I'm trapped inside of - What are those things you're always eating?
Jake: Pizza bagels? Pizza rolls?
Kevin: No. No.
Jake: Pizza poppers? Pizzaritos?
Kevin: No. No.
Jake: Pizza pockets?
Kevin: That's it. How much longer will I be forced to live inside this pizza pocket?

Captain Holt: He's calling.
Jake: Sir, remember, we need two minutes for the trace.
Captain Holt: Two minutes, understood.
Jake: So just keep him talking and stay calm.
Captain Holt: Peralta, I'm in complete control.
Man: [disguised voice on the phone] Hello?
Captain Holt: Shut your damn mouth. I'm the one talking here.
Man: Then this is over. [beep]
Jake: And he hung up. Well, that could've gone better.

Captain Holt: So now I know who the sumbitch is who took my dog. The only problem is, I have no idea where to find that sumbitch.
Kevin: Well, Raymond, I think we can help you find that sumbitch. Jake?
Jake: Sumbitch. We all got to say it.

Jake: Let me show you what we found: A security camera grabbed some footage of Cheddar being picked up and put into a car which was registered to an anonymous shell company on Dean Street. We can be there in 15 minutes.
Captain Holt: That's weird. It's sunny outside.
Jake: Why's that weird?
Captain Holt: Because a [bleep]storm is about to rain down on that punk.
Jake: Oh, my God, I fell for it, and I loved it.