Brooklyn Nine-Nine Quote 11252

Quote from Captain Holt in the episode The Good Ones

Amy: So, guys, tell me everything that happened while I was gone.
Sergeant Jeffords: Well, as you know, Hitchcock retired the very first second he could.
Hitchcock: [on video call] That's right. I couldn't wait to get out of there.
Sergeant Jeffords: Why are you always with us on FaceTime?
Hitchcock: Because I miss Scully.
Captain Holt: He's more present than when he worked here. It's been a terrible year.

 Captain Holt Quotes

Quote from the episode Ding Dong

Rosa: All you have to do is say a few nice comments during the memorial.
Captain Holt: As God said when Wuntch tried to sneak past the gates into heaven, "It ain't happening, honey."
Rosa: [cackles]

Quote from the episode Payback

Amy: Maybe we should talk about deets for the case. Plan our next move. Grab some chow.
Captain Holt: No need. I brought these. Nutrition bricks. I have original no flavor, and whole wheat no flavor.

Quote from the episode The Box

Jake: We have a few more questions for you, doctor.
Captain Holt: Doctor. Huh. It's funny when people call dentists "doctor".
Philip Davidson: We are doctors. We do four years of medical school.
Captain Holt: Yeah, but it's called "dental school".
Philip Davidson: But we learn about the entire body.
Captain Holt: But if you had cancer, you wouldn't call a dentist.
Philip Davidson: You know it's actually harder to get into dental school than medical school.
Captain Holt: Well, because there are fewer dental schools. Because most people want to become actual doctors.
Philip Davidson: That's ridiculous. It's not like we're college professors calling ourselves "doctors".
Captain Holt: Not the same thing, my friend.
Philip Davidson: Well, sure it is. When someone has a heart attack on a plane, do they yell out, "Yo, does anybody here have an Art History PhD?"
Captain Holt: A PhD is a doctorate. It's literally describing a doctor.
Jake: Maybe let's refocus.
Captain Holt: No! The problem here is that medical practitioners have co-opted the word "doctor".
Jake: Okay, Captain-
Captain Holt: I know we live in a world where anything can mean anything, and nobody even cares about etymolo-
[cut to outside, Holt downing a glass of water]
Captain Holt: Apparently that's a trigger for me.
Jake: Yeah, apparently.

 ‘The Good Ones’ Quotes

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Sergeant Jeffords: Amy, he's your captain. You act like it's some romantic relationship.
Amy: You know what, Terry? You're right. It is like a romantic relationship.
Sergeant Jeffords: That's what you got from what I said?
Amy: Do you still have that relationship book from when you and Sharon were having issues?
Sergeant Jeffords: That book was about sex. And it's actually Scully's. But I bet Scully also ordered some relationship books when Scully got himself that sex book for Scully.
Amy: Just own the sex book thing.
Sergeant Jeffords: You want my help or not?
Amy: Fine. Can you please get Scully's relationship book that is obviously not yours?
Sergeant Jeffords: Weird that you're asking me to do it, but okay. I'll see what I can do.

Quote from Charles

Charles: But you know what was rougher? The hundreds of years of oppression experienced by Black people in this country, oppression they still experience to this day.
Amy: Why does Charles sound like a podcast?
Charles: Oh, because I'm listening to one right now. It's called "Two Wrongs Makes a White: Lessons in Anti-Racism."
Sergeant Jeffords: Yeah, you're lucky you weren't here on Juneteenth.
[flashback: to Charles, wearing an African print face mask and scarf, raising his fist as he passes by Sergeant Jeffords:]
Sergeant Jeffords: What the hell?
[present:]
Sergeant Jeffords: He went full Schumer.
Charles: Cultural appropriation, Amy. She'll figure it out.
Sergeant Jeffords: You're the one who did it.
Charles: Mm-hmm.

Quote from Jake

Amy: So where's Rosa? Thought she'd be here by now.
Jake: I'm telling you, she's not coming. Ever since she quit the force, she thinks we're just part of the problem.
Captain Holt: Oh, she never said that. She quit after George Floyd was killed because she thought that she could do more good by becoming a PI that helps victims of police brutality. That has nothing to do with us.
Jake: Then how come we haven't hung out at all since she quit?
Sergeant Jeffords: Setting up a new business takes time. She's probably too busy to see friends.
Jake: And yet I have time to see my friends and be a father and do my job and straight-up crush it at "Goat Simulator" on my Switch.
Amy: That's not something to be proud of.
Jake: Being a father is not something to be proud of, Ames? Wow. You've changed, dude.
Jake: Look, all I'm saying is, I promise you she is not gonna show up tonight. And if she does, I'll give each of you $1,000, cash. That's a promise.
Rosa: Hey, everybody.
Jake: Jake's word is not legally binding. Any promise of cash reward is, of course, understood as hyperbole. Rosa! I knew you'd make it.

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