Rosa: Okay, look, you two are always complaining about work regulations, so I'm guessing you know your way around the Patrolmen's Union. I need your help to break in.
Scully: You bet. Those bastards are everything that's wrong with policing.
Hitchcock: [on video chat] Their dress policy's insane. You have to wear a shirt at all times. Yuck!
Rosa: Just tell me how I can get to O'Sullivan's office undetected.
Scully: No problem. He goes to lunch at 12:30, so that's your window. At 12:45, the mail is delivered. The guard at the desk always flirts with the mail woman, so he'll be distracted. Then go down the main hall. This is important. It's your last bathroom stop on the whole floor. It's unisex and handicap, so you get that bad boy all to yourself.
Hitchcock: [on video chat] Tell her about toilet paper.
Rosa: Stop talking about bathrooms.
Scully: Fine. Pee your pants. What do I care? Go to the last office on the right and you're there.

Jake: Hitchcock, can you top it?
Hitchcock: Mine has mother's hospital bed.
Amy: Okay, Scully?
Scully: I got this one red door I've never been able to open and I hear screams behind it sometimes. But it's probably just the wind.
Jake: Okay, that's actually too scary.

Amy: Oh, so your plan is to not take this seriously at all?
Jake: Oh, I am as serious as a heart attack. No offense, Scully.
Scully: Nah. Mine are never that serious. I call 'em "oopsies".

Hitchcock: All that investigating was exhausting. Besides, we did our share of that in the seventies and eighties. Now, we like to do paperwork in our comfy chairs.
Scully: If we're away from our desks for too long, they'll update our computers and we'll lose Minesweeper.

Sergeant Jeffords: Amy, he's your captain. You act like it's some romantic relationship.
Amy: You know what, Terry? You're right. It is like a romantic relationship.
Sergeant Jeffords: That's what you got from what I said?
Amy: Do you still have that relationship book from when you and Sharon were having issues?
Sergeant Jeffords: That book was about sex. And it's actually Scully's. But I bet Scully also ordered some relationship books when Scully got himself that sex book for Scully.
Amy: Just own the sex book thing.
Sergeant Jeffords: You want my help or not?
Amy: Fine. Can you please get Scully's relationship book that is obviously not yours?
Sergeant Jeffords: Weird that you're asking me to do it, but okay. I'll see what I can do.

Amy: So where's Rosa? Thought she'd be here by now.
Jake: I'm telling you, she's not coming. Ever since she quit the force, she thinks we're just part of the problem.
Captain Holt: Oh, she never said that. She quit after George Floyd was killed because she thought that she could do more good by becoming a PI that helps victims of police brutality. That has nothing to do with us.
Jake: Then how come we haven't hung out at all since she quit?
Sergeant Jeffords: Setting up a new business takes time. She's probably too busy to see friends.
Jake: And yet I have time to see my friends and be a father and do my job and straight-up crush it at "Goat Simulator" on my Switch.
Amy: That's not something to be proud of.
Jake: Being a father is not something to be proud of, Ames? Wow. You've changed, dude.
Jake: Look, all I'm saying is, I promise you she is not gonna show up tonight. And if she does, I'll give each of you $1,000, cash. That's a promise.
Rosa: Hey, everybody.
Jake: Jake's word is not legally binding. Any promise of cash reward is, of course, understood as hyperbole. Rosa! I knew you'd make it.

Charles: But you know what was rougher? The hundreds of years of oppression experienced by Black people in this country, oppression they still experience to this day.
Amy: Why does Charles sound like a podcast?
Charles: Oh, because I'm listening to one right now. It's called "Two Wrongs Makes a White: Lessons in Anti-Racism."
Sergeant Jeffords: Yeah, you're lucky you weren't here on Juneteenth.
[flashback: to Charles, wearing an African print face mask and scarf, raising his fist as he passes by Sergeant Jeffords:]
Sergeant Jeffords: What the hell?
[present:]
Sergeant Jeffords: He went full Schumer.
Charles: Cultural appropriation, Amy. She'll figure it out.
Sergeant Jeffords: You're the one who did it.
Charles: Mm-hmm.