Captain Holt: No, like the famed weapon of the sea, forged by the Cyclops for Poseidon himself. The trident has three prongs, like my approach.
Jake: Ah, not to interrupt, but Aquaman's trident has five prongs.
Captain Holt: That's absurd. The prefix tri means three. What this aquatic-man carries is better termed a "pentadent."
Jake: No, it's a trident. They call it that in the original theatrical release and the Snyder cut. So you're 100% wrong, and everyone's laughing at you.
Captain Holt: Well, regardless, Operation Trident has three prongs. Prong one, Boyle and Peralta.
Jake: Oh, nice, the most important prong.
Charles: Mm-hmm.
Captain Holt: Wrong. Prong two, the center prong, is the most important prong on a trident. It's the longest and straightest and breaks the least often.
Jake: Are you just mad because I questioned you about the Aquaman thing?
Captain Holt: Yes.

Rosa: All you have to do is say a few nice comments during the memorial.
Captain Holt: As God said when Wuntch tried to sneak past the gates into heaven, "It ain't happening, honey."
Rosa: [cackles]

Amy: Captain, how are you feeling?
Captain Holt: Better today. I even managed to eat some plain toast this morning.
Amy: Smart. Something bland.
Captain Holt: That's my favorite breakfast.

Amy: Maybe we should talk about deets for the case. Plan our next move. Grab some chow.
Captain Holt: No need. I brought these. Nutrition bricks. I have original no flavor, and whole wheat no flavor.

Captain Holt: The union made it up as a power move. O'Sullivan wants me to issue a statement of public support for the officer, to give them all extra hazard pay and to wear this "Never Forget Burrito" ribbon.
Scully: Weird. It's the exact same color as my Color Blind Awareness ribbon.
Captain Holt: No, it isn't.

Captain Holt: I won't give in to any of their demands. The union is powerful, but I'm sure that most of our uniformed officers understand this incident is nonsense. It is, as Peralta would say, "No big 'whoop.'"
Jake: I appreciate the shout-out, sir, but I actually don't pronounce the H in whoop.
Sergeant Jeffords: Sir, all the uniformed officers just left. They're staging a walkout.
Charles: Well, it seems I was wrong. The "whoop" is big after all.
Jake: It is. Again, though, there's no H in whoop. It's silent.
Captain Holt: "Whoop."
Jake: Whoop.
Captain Holt: "Whoop."
Jake: Am I crazy? How do you say it?
Charles: I say "whoop."
Jake: Okay.

Charles: All these notes are from the same doctor.
Jake: Everyone got a blood test, and they all had mono. That seems really improbable.
Charles: Yeah, nobody gets mono at this age. You get it as an eight-year-old, and then you're immune.
Jake: Wait, you get it as an eight-year-old? Mono? The kissing disease?
Charles: No, it's the cousin's disease. You get it by kissing your cousins. Oh, I guess we're both right.
Jake: No.
Wait a minute... if you're immune, then you can tell the doctor you're from the Nine-Nine, and when he gives you a mono diagnosis...
Charles: We'll have proof that his notes are fake. [Jake snaps his fingers] Wow. I can't believe all those lazy childhood afternoons playing hide the yam finally paid off. [silence] You see, you take a yam...
Jake: I don't want to know!