Jake: Okay. Sorry, the babysitter thing took a little longer than I was expecting, but I solved part of the riddle. A cat has ten lives. I think the lives are numbers.
Charles: Wow, that's so smart. [off Jake's look] I already solved the riddle. It's a phone number. But you're here now. We can call together.
Jake: Okay, yeah, I guess. I mean, maybe he'll have a cool scary modulated voice or something.
Charles: Yeah, yeah.
Jake: All right.
Man: [on phone] [distorted voice] Hello.
Jake: Oh, my God, he does.
Man: [on phone] You solved my riddle, Detective Boyle.
Jake: And Detective Peralta! I'm still on your tail, and your sick game is finally...
Scully: [o.s.] Help! Help!
Jake: Oh, seriously? Uh, Franzia, I got to go real quick.
Man: [on phone] What? You have to go?
Jake: Boyle will explain, but I'm still on your tail. And if you think the jokers are really wild...
Scully: [o.s.] Jake!
Jake: All right, I'm coming! Damn it!

Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.

Amy: I can't wait to see the inside of Raymond's house. I'm gonna learn everything there is to know about him.
Charles: I bet it's really fancy. Like Beauty and the Beast fancy.
Jake: No, it's probably just an empty, white cube with a USB port in it for him to plug his finger in when he's on sleep mode.

Jake: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.

Sergeant Jeffords: Listen up, everyone. We had a murder this morning. The vic was found at 8:45 by a dog walker who let herself into his apartment...
Jake: Oh, my God, it's Franzia! This is the work of Johnny Franzia, my white whale. He's finally resurfaced.
Sergeant Jeffords: Not this again.
Jake: Yes, this again. Johnny Franzia has been on a murder spree for the past ten years, and every time he kills someone, he taunts me. Look, there's a deck of cards.
Sergeant Jeffords: You say that whenever there's cards at a crime scene. You know how many people own cards, Jake?
Jake: Then explain this. Johnny Franzia's catchphrase is "deuces are wild." Now look around the apartment. Two chairs, two paintings, two pillows.
Sergeant Jeffords: There are three lamps.
Jake: You think Franzia gives a damn about lamps? You sound so dumb right now. This is why you don't have an arch nemesis, Terry, because you focus on all the wrong details.
Sergeant Jeffords: Maybe I don't have an arch nemesis because I solve all my crimes.
Jake: [silence] That's a pretty [bleep]-up thing to say to me.

Scully: Sure, I'll watch Mac. Don't worry, I've padded all the sharp edges in here.
Jake: Wow. You already baby-proofed it?
Scully: Ah, it's my nap room. You can take a nap anywhere in here. Every surface is like a bed.
Both: Huh.
Jake: Works for us.

Sergeant Jeffords: Hey, so don't freak out, but apparently there are several other groups presenting reform proposals to One Police Plaza, and only one will get funding.
Amy: Why would that make me freak out?
Sergeant Jeffords: Because you can be a little competitive.
Amy: [scoffs] That's not true. No one is less competitive than me. No one.