Lyndon Boyle: Why am I back here? Like I told you, it was a typical night.
Jake: Right. Cousin kissing circle, everyone gets burped after dinner... Normal stuff. But let's talk about what happened after the burping, shall we?
Lyndon Boyle: What are you getting at? What exactly do you think happened that night?
Jake: I'm so glad you asked. I think Pappy called you into his study and told you he was cutting you out of his will. Tempers flared. Voices were raised.
Lyndon Boyle: What?
Jake: You were furious you wouldn't be inheriting the farm.
Lyndon Boyle: I don't even want the farm. I've always been more of a city boy. I live in Poughkeepsie.
Jake: Well, I guess that settles it. [chuckles] Except you didn't say I love you.
Lyndon Boyle: Excuse me?
Jake: When you left, you said "good night." You didn't say "I love you." Now, you may be a black sheep, but you're still a Boyle.
And a Boyle always says "I love you."
Lyndon Boyle: Not always.
Jake: Look around you. It's written everywhere.
Lyndon Boyle: Okay, fine. We were fighting. But not over the will. Pappy was mad at me for missing that Zoom call this summer.
Charles: I mean honestly, Lyndon, what did you expect would happen?
Lyndon Boyle: He said I was a disgrace to the Boyle name. So I didn't say "I love you." I just stormed out to the shed. I went to get the Grandmother Dough.
Jake: The Grandmother Dough?

Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.

Amy: I can't wait to see the inside of Raymond's house. I'm gonna learn everything there is to know about him.
Charles: I bet it's really fancy. Like Beauty and the Beast fancy.
Jake: No, it's probably just an empty, white cube with a USB port in it for him to plug his finger in when he's on sleep mode.

Jake: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.

Amy: Hey. What's going on?
Rosa: I'm helping Holt pick a dating site.
Captain Holt: Oh, this looks good. PhDs only.
Rosa: Uh, actually in this context, PHD stands for Pretty Huge [bleep].
Captain Holt: Oh, my. I can only assume that MDs only stands for Medium [bleep].

Captain Holt: Huh. It's the exact time we agreed to meet for our date, and he's not here.
Amy: I'm sorry. I know how you value punctuality.
Captain Holt: In my employees. But in potential suitors, I don't mind one or two minutes of tardiness. I like a bad boy. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go to the bathroom to wash my hands, in case we shake.
Amy: Ooh.

Charles: Anyway, thanks for coming with me to the funeral. I think we're all packed. I just got to go grab the coffin.
Sergeant Jeffords: Wait, why are you bringing the coffin?
Charles: I brought a coffin to my nana's funeral on a whim, and it was a big hit. So now, guess who's the coffin cousin?