Sergeant Jeffords: You're leaving the NYPD?
Captain Holt: My preoccupation with my job has been a point of contention with Kevin for some time now. I wanna show him that our relationship comes first.
Jake: But, sir, it's too soon for you to retire. We didn't even get to do one final cool case together. The last thing we worked was finding that kid's missing mitten.
Captain Holt: I thought that was rewarding and poignant.
Jake: It was boring as crap!
Captain Holt: What were you hoping for otherwise?
Jake: I'm so glad you asked. We hunt down a serial killer, stare death in the face, and then in the final battle, you save my life and I say to you, "How can I ever repay you?" And you say, "You already have." Then you jump on your motorcycle, drive off, never to be seen again.
Captain Holt: I don't have a motorcycle, but Kevin and I did just purchase recumbent bicycles.
Jake: [bleep] you, Captain Holt.

Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.

Amy: I can't wait to see the inside of Raymond's house. I'm gonna learn everything there is to know about him.
Charles: I bet it's really fancy. Like Beauty and the Beast fancy.
Jake: No, it's probably just an empty, white cube with a USB port in it for him to plug his finger in when he's on sleep mode.

Jake: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.

Rosa: What am I doing?
Jake: You, Charles, and Scully will be here, distracting Kevin and making sure he doesn't know Holt's working.
Captain Holt: And who will be on Cheddar duty?
Rosa: I mean, can't we just distract him with a bone?
Captain Holt: Bone? Bone?
Jake: Yeah.
Captain Holt: [yelling] Bone? Cheddar's not some street rat.

Captain Holt: I'm gonna check those CompStat numbers right now. I'm just gonna click on this video link entitled "Handyman fixes squeaky door, [bleep] customer."
Jake: Oh, my God.

Captain Holt: But I just received an email from my contact at One Police Plaza about our reform proposal.
Jake: Ah, yeah, speaking of that, now that the report is done, can you please tell Amy you're retiring? I don't like lying to her.
Captain Holt: So then you told her about the Top Shot?
Jake: I didn't need to because I traded it for an investment in The Rock's new cryptocurrency, which is currently worth... Oh, no, what happened to RockCoin?