Brooklyn Nine-Nine Quote 11565

Quote from Jake in the episode Renewal

Captain Holt: Anyway, I already have a cool final case that I'm working on: the police reform proposal that Santiago and I have been toiling over for these past six months.
Jake: Oh, my God, I didn't even think about Amy. She's gonna be devastated.
Captain Holt: Which is why I made sure she wasn't here when I told you. I need Santiago laser-focused on this proposal. We can tell her after we turn the report in. Hopefully, you can keep the news to yourselves for now.
Jake: Sir, she's my wife. I can't lie to her.
Sergeant Jeffords: What about that time you spent $1,000 on a Patrick Ewing Top shot?
Jake: That wasn't a lie. I just didn't tell her. But she's gonna be happy about it, because that Top Shot is currently worth... Oh, no. I will keep your secret for $992.
Captain Holt: Deal.
Jake: Great, let's lie to my wife.

 Jake Quotes

Quote from the episode The Vulture

Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.

Quote from the episode The Party

Amy: I can't wait to see the inside of Raymond's house. I'm gonna learn everything there is to know about him.
Charles: I bet it's really fancy. Like Beauty and the Beast fancy.
Jake: No, it's probably just an empty, white cube with a USB port in it for him to plug his finger in when he's on sleep mode.

Quote from the episode AC/DC

Jake: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.

 ‘Renewal’ Quotes

Quote from Captain Holt

Rosa: What am I doing?
Jake: You, Charles, and Scully will be here, distracting Kevin and making sure he doesn't know Holt's working.
Captain Holt: And who will be on Cheddar duty?
Rosa: I mean, can't we just distract him with a bone?
Captain Holt: Bone? Bone?
Jake: Yeah.
Captain Holt: [yelling] Bone? Cheddar's not some street rat.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: I'm gonna check those CompStat numbers right now. I'm just gonna click on this video link entitled "Handyman fixes squeaky door, [bleep] customer."
Jake: Oh, my God.

Quote from Jake

Captain Holt: But I just received an email from my contact at One Police Plaza about our reform proposal.
Jake: Ah, yeah, speaking of that, now that the report is done, can you please tell Amy you're retiring? I don't like lying to her.
Captain Holt: So then you told her about the Top Shot?
Jake: I didn't need to because I traded it for an investment in The Rock's new cryptocurrency, which is currently worth... Oh, no, what happened to RockCoin?

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