Brooklyn Nine-Nine Quote 11567

Quote from Captain Holt in the episode Renewal

Jake: There you are. Why are you hiding?
Captain Holt: Oh, I was just looking at pornography. I felt an urgent need to watch some men taking a bath.
Jake: What?
Captain Holt: Okay, fine, you caught me. I was checking my email.
Jake: And that's worse than watching porn?
Captain Holt: Much worse. Kevin can't know I'm working on our special day.

 Captain Holt Quotes

Quote from the episode Ding Dong

Rosa: All you have to do is say a few nice comments during the memorial.
Captain Holt: As God said when Wuntch tried to sneak past the gates into heaven, "It ain't happening, honey."
Rosa: [cackles]

Quote from the episode Payback

Amy: Captain, how are you feeling?
Captain Holt: Better today. I even managed to eat some plain toast this morning.
Amy: Smart. Something bland.
Captain Holt: That's my favorite breakfast.

Quote from the episode Payback

Amy: Maybe we should talk about deets for the case. Plan our next move. Grab some chow.
Captain Holt: No need. I brought these. Nutrition bricks. I have original no flavor, and whole wheat no flavor.

 ‘Renewal’ Quotes

Quote from Captain Holt

Rosa: What am I doing?
Jake: You, Charles, and Scully will be here, distracting Kevin and making sure he doesn't know Holt's working.
Captain Holt: And who will be on Cheddar duty?
Rosa: I mean, can't we just distract him with a bone?
Captain Holt: Bone? Bone?
Jake: Yeah.
Captain Holt: [yelling] Bone? Cheddar's not some street rat.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: I'm gonna check those CompStat numbers right now. I'm just gonna click on this video link entitled "Handyman fixes squeaky door, [bleep] customer."
Jake: Oh, my God.

Quote from Jake

Captain Holt: But I just received an email from my contact at One Police Plaza about our reform proposal.
Jake: Ah, yeah, speaking of that, now that the report is done, can you please tell Amy you're retiring? I don't like lying to her.
Captain Holt: So then you told her about the Top Shot?
Jake: I didn't need to because I traded it for an investment in The Rock's new cryptocurrency, which is currently worth... Oh, no, what happened to RockCoin?

Submit Quotes