Caleb: For the record, I'm not a cannibal anymore. My new passion is needlepoint embroidery. Look at these. Two parrots in love. A turtle with a monocle and a top hat.
Jake: Wow, it's so intricate. How do you... [leans forward]
Caleb: Ahh!
Jake: Oh, no, no!
Caleb: Okay, you got me. I was gonna eat you. That's still my thing. It's even affected my needlepoint. Look at this. Liver. A heart. Butt. An arm. Mmm. Oh, and there's this one that your delicious-looking lieutenant asked me to do.
Jake: The third clue. "Where the devil lies, you'll find your prize."
Captain Holt: Well... [chuckles] I know where the devil lies.

Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.

Amy: I can't wait to see the inside of Raymond's house. I'm gonna learn everything there is to know about him.
Charles: I bet it's really fancy. Like Beauty and the Beast fancy.
Jake: No, it's probably just an empty, white cube with a USB port in it for him to plug his finger in when he's on sleep mode.

Jake: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.

Captain Holt: Wuntch's grave.
Rosa: Wow. Did Terry put up a balloon arch just for the heist?
Captain Holt: No, that was me. I come every week to install a fresh one. But enough chit-chat. Let's dig her up.
Amy: I don't think we wanna do that.
Captain Holt: Why, are you scared of what she'd look like? She's just a corpse with worms for eyes, no different than when she was alive.

Jake: So the heist is actually going to be the perfect goodbye.
Amy: What does that mean?
Jake: Drama, glamor, shocking twists and turns. And the whole heist ends up with everyone at the Brooklyn Bridge.
Amy: Is that meaningful? Have we ever been there together as a squad?
Jake: Uh, yeah.
[theme music plays over clip from opening credits]
Jake: I'm not sure why we all looked so intense, we were just getting falafel.
Amy: I mean, that falafel stand is really good.
Jake: True that, yeah.

Sergeant Jeffords: [on alarm app] Terry loves waking up. Terry loves waking up. Terry...
Sergeant Jeffords: Good morning, honey, time to... [screams] What the hell are you doing?
Jake: It's Holt and Amy's last day, so we're having a final heist! It's heist day!
Sergeant Jeffords: Couldn't you have just sent an email?
Jake: Nope, this was the only way. I have to go alert the others. See you soon!
[later, as Rosa opens her refrigerator:]
Jake: It's heist day, Rosa! [Rosa screams] Whoops, sorry about your milk. Gotta go!
[later, as Charles goes to wake Nikolaj up:]
Charles: Niko, it's time for school.
Jake: It's heist day, Charles!
Charles: Where's Nikolaj?
Jake: He's crying in the closet! Gotta go!
[later, as Amy walks into their bathroom:]
Amy: Babe, what are you doing?
Jake: I was hiding so I could surprise you. But if you're here, then who's in our shower?
Captain Holt: It's me, Captain Holt. It's heist day, Jake.
All: Oh!