Jake: It's all part of the perfect goodbye. Everyone should think they have the winning tube, but then at midnight when the time locks release, they'll realize they actually just have a sentimental gift from me. Look what I got Holt. It's the first tie I bought after he started making me wear them. And I'm getting Rosa a travel board game so she knows that we're gonna keep doing game night even though the Nine-Nine's breaking apart.
Amy: Aww.
Jake: And I'm also getting everyone AirPods.
Amy: Hmm, I'd lose those. Feels like it cheapens the sentiment. Plus, everyone already has headphones.
Jake: Okay, fine, no AirPods. So, in order for this to work, we have to get to the golden tube before Holt does and swap it out for the one with the tie inside.
[later:]
Jake: Hey there, Ray-Ray.
Jake: [v.o.] Then with Rosa believing that Holt has the real one, you just need to come up with a fake heist and then find a way to slip her the dummy tube.
Amy: [on the phone] It went perfectly.
Jake: Same here, sort of. We came back to change 'cause we had to ditch our magnet suits in the armored car. It was fine for me. Charles went commando for some reason. Anyway, he's getting dressed now. We just have to figure out a way to slip him his gift and then we're all set. The perfect goodbye is so close I can taste it.
Bill: Yum, yum, yum.
Jake: Gah! Bill, you can't sneak up on people like that. I gotta go.

Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.

Amy: I can't wait to see the inside of Raymond's house. I'm gonna learn everything there is to know about him.
Charles: I bet it's really fancy. Like Beauty and the Beast fancy.
Jake: No, it's probably just an empty, white cube with a USB port in it for him to plug his finger in when he's on sleep mode.

Jake: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.

Captain Holt: Wuntch's grave.
Rosa: Wow. Did Terry put up a balloon arch just for the heist?
Captain Holt: No, that was me. I come every week to install a fresh one. But enough chit-chat. Let's dig her up.
Amy: I don't think we wanna do that.
Captain Holt: Why, are you scared of what she'd look like? She's just a corpse with worms for eyes, no different than when she was alive.

Jake: So the heist is actually going to be the perfect goodbye.
Amy: What does that mean?
Jake: Drama, glamor, shocking twists and turns. And the whole heist ends up with everyone at the Brooklyn Bridge.
Amy: Is that meaningful? Have we ever been there together as a squad?
Jake: Uh, yeah.
[theme music plays over clip from opening credits]
Jake: I'm not sure why we all looked so intense, we were just getting falafel.
Amy: I mean, that falafel stand is really good.
Jake: True that, yeah.

Sergeant Jeffords: [on alarm app] Terry loves waking up. Terry loves waking up. Terry...
Sergeant Jeffords: Good morning, honey, time to... [screams] What the hell are you doing?
Jake: It's Holt and Amy's last day, so we're having a final heist! It's heist day!
Sergeant Jeffords: Couldn't you have just sent an email?
Jake: Nope, this was the only way. I have to go alert the others. See you soon!
[later, as Rosa opens her refrigerator:]
Jake: It's heist day, Rosa! [Rosa screams] Whoops, sorry about your milk. Gotta go!
[later, as Charles goes to wake Nikolaj up:]
Charles: Niko, it's time for school.
Jake: It's heist day, Charles!
Charles: Where's Nikolaj?
Jake: He's crying in the closet! Gotta go!
[later, as Amy walks into their bathroom:]
Amy: Babe, what are you doing?
Jake: I was hiding so I could surprise you. But if you're here, then who's in our shower?
Captain Holt: It's me, Captain Holt. It's heist day, Jake.
All: Oh!