Jake: That hurt so bad. Let me know when he's gone so I can slide onto the nice, cool floor.

Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.

Amy: I can't wait to see the inside of Raymond's house. I'm gonna learn everything there is to know about him.
Charles: I bet it's really fancy. Like Beauty and the Beast fancy.
Jake: No, it's probably just an empty, white cube with a USB port in it for him to plug his finger in when he's on sleep mode.

Jake: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.

Rosa: And when this is over, I'm going to find you, and I'm going to break those little fingers.
Judge: Ms. Diaz, please stop threatening the stenographer!

Rosa: Why do you care so much about some old reporter?
Jake: Some old reporter? Is the sky just some big blue hat that the world wears?
Rosa: No. And no one has ever thought that.
Jake: My point exactly.

Sergeant Jeffords: We need to soften up your look. My wife and Charles's mom both donated some clothes.
Rosa: Your wife and Boyle's mom are both blind?