Amy: You should talk. You searched for "cheapest date possible".
Jake: And I wear that search like a badge of honor.

Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.

Amy: I can't wait to see the inside of Raymond's house. I'm gonna learn everything there is to know about him.
Charles: I bet it's really fancy. Like Beauty and the Beast fancy.
Jake: No, it's probably just an empty, white cube with a USB port in it for him to plug his finger in when he's on sleep mode.

Jake: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.

Gina: Plus, we already have the perfect candidate already, Savant.
Sergeant Jeffords: That punk who hacked us?
Gina: Precisely. Captain, turn your greatest weakness into your greatest strength. Like Paris Hilton re her sex tape.
Captain Holt: Get to the point.
Gina: Savant tore our walls down, but he can build them back up. Taller and thicker than ever.
Sergeant Jeffords: But how can we be sure he won't turn on us?
Gina: His mom ratted him out, so I bet he'd love a steady pay check to get out of that snitch's house. Oh, if I had a mic right now, I'd drop it.

Cory: It was like taking candy from a baby.
Sergeant Jeffords: Why are you giving candy to a baby in the first place? Don't give candy to a baby! They can't brush their teeth!

Gina: Listen to this. Scully searched for how much fudge is in a calorie.