Jake: Yes. I've got you now Pontiac Bandit. Whoo! It feels good to say that in front of actual people, instead of just the mirror.

Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.

Amy: I can't wait to see the inside of Raymond's house. I'm gonna learn everything there is to know about him.
Charles: I bet it's really fancy. Like Beauty and the Beast fancy.
Jake: No, it's probably just an empty, white cube with a USB port in it for him to plug his finger in when he's on sleep mode.

Jake: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.

Sergeant Jeffords: Hitchcock called himself Scully by accident.
Hitchcock: I did, but it brought me and Scully closer together.

Jake: I've been trying to catch the Pontiac Bandit for eight years. You know how many months that is?
Rosa: 96.
Jake: 80. 40. 6. Years. Months.
Captain Holt: Do you need a math tutor? Because the department will provide one for you.
Jake: I can't tell if you're being serious.

Captain Holt: Ouch. He ran over my foot. I am in incredible pain.