Charles: The Ebony Falcon.
Jake: No, the Ebony Falcon had no fear. He's the Ebony Antelope now. Brave enough to drink at the lake, but wise enough to run from the lions.

Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.

Amy: I can't wait to see the inside of Raymond's house. I'm gonna learn everything there is to know about him.
Charles: I bet it's really fancy. Like Beauty and the Beast fancy.
Jake: No, it's probably just an empty, white cube with a USB port in it for him to plug his finger in when he's on sleep mode.

Jake: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.

Rosa: You don't have locks on your windows?
Gina: Way to blame the victim. Sorry I'm not rich like you, Ms. 1%.
Rosa: They cost $8. You have a fur bed spread.

Sergeant Jeffords: What are you doing, Peralta?! You just blew my cover!
Jake: Or did I save your life?
Sergeant Jeffords: Or did you compromise an investigation and piss off a superior officer?!
Jake: I'm sensing from your tone it's that one.

Jake: All right, we're doing this. Let's play wife or dog. Hey, so, Scully, what do you do at the park with Kelly?
Scully: Oh, we just walk around. She gets antsy if she doesn't get outside enough. Then it's just yap, yap, yap, yap, all day long.
Charles: Hey, what's Kelly's favorite food?
Scully: Peanut butter. She'll eat it right out of the jar.
Sergeant Jeffords: How old is Kelly again?
Scully: Well, she's getting up there, but she's pretty sprightly for her age. Especially considering she got hit by that car a year ago.
Jake: Ah, that's so awful. Was she chasing something into the street or..?
Scully: No. She was getting me the newspaper.
Jake: All right, this is useless. Scully, is Kelly your wife or your dog?
Scully: How can you ask me that?
Jake: I still don't know which it is.
Charles: Could be either.
Jake: I could not tell you.