Sergeant Jeffords: My girls are on the waitlist for their preschool, and it's twice as tough to get in with twins.
Rosa: Why don't you just get one of them in, and let them take turns going to school every other day?
Sergeant Jeffords: Diaz, that's crazy. I asked my wife and she said no.

Sergeant Jeffords: You should take my minivan.
Rosa: A minivan? Ha ha.
Sergeant Jeffords: You all got a problem with my minivan? Because my wife doesn't like it either. She wanted an SUV, but those things roll, man. They roll!

Sergeant Jeffords: I'm playing Kwazy Cupcakes, I'm hydrated as hell, and I'm listening to Sheryl Crow. I've got my own party going on.

Charles: Hey, Sarge. I need someone to fill out a line up. Will you be scary Terry?
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh, I love being Scary Terry. He says what regular Terry's thinking.
[cut to:
Sergeant Jeffords: This is taking too long! I'm gonna miss the farmer's market!

Madeline Wuntch: Hello, Raymond. How do you like my new office? Twentieth floor.
Captain Holt: Yes, I never thought I'd see you this high without a broom under you.

Sergeant Jeffords: We've got to make this place kid-friendly. No crime scene photos lying about.
Hitchcock: That's not a crime scene. That's a boudouir photo I'm having framed for my wife. That's me underneath the mask.

Jake: Captain, quick update. Another one of the Fulton Street Four was murdered here this morning.
Captain Holt: Huh. I'm surprised you're not celebrating inappropriately.
Jake: This is a crime scene and I'm a professional.
Captain Holt: You did it before I showed up?
Jake: Yep, that is exactly correct.