Charles: You butternuts ready to get squashed?

Sergeant Jeffords: So we have good news, and we have bad news.
Charles: My Nana always said, "Bad news first because the good news is probably a lie." Fun fact: she made me cry a lot.

Charles: Hey, Rosa, are you ready to go streaking?
Rosa: What?
Charles: That's what my dad and I called getting blonde streaks in your hair. We used to do it to our ponytails on road trips. You just take a little lemon up top, and let the sun do the rest. We called it giving each other road head.
Rosa: You just said you called it going streaking.
Charles: It had a couple names.

Charles: Are you blackmailing me? I don't have any money, Hitchcock. I'm still paying my uncle's funeral bills. I rear-ended the hearse. It was a mess.

Jake: My fellow detectives, ours is not an easy job. The hours are long, the danger is constant, the pay is LOL. But today, a glimmer of hope. For today, a new vending machine. Behold him in all of his glory, so full of strength, and promise, and, most importantly, sodium, gluten and fat.

Amy: Okay, let's talk planets. Jupiter is a gas giant.
Gina: So's Hitchcock. How does this help me?

Gina: You just made Earth lame, and that is my house.