Jake: All right, we're outnumbered and unarmed. If we're gonna get Gina back, we're gonna need weapons. This place sells hammers, wrenches-
Charles: Do they sell plants? Because some of that potting soil is very toxic if ingested in large quantities.
Jake: So, you want to feed the bad guys a lot of soil?
Charles: Force feed them.
Jake: Okay, that's a good idea that I will definitely consider.

Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.

Amy: I can't wait to see the inside of Raymond's house. I'm gonna learn everything there is to know about him.
Charles: I bet it's really fancy. Like Beauty and the Beast fancy.
Jake: No, it's probably just an empty, white cube with a USB port in it for him to plug his finger in when he's on sleep mode.

Jake: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.

Captain Holt: Diaz, are we still on for the polar bear swim tonight?
Rosa: It's either that or go carolling with my family, so yeah. I'd rather walk into the freezing ocean.

Jake: Oh my God, it's real life Die Hard. I mean, oh, no, crime.

Jake: Charles, did you call this into dispatch?
Charles: Yes, but I can't get in touch with anyone from the Nine-Nine.
Jake: Right. Amy, Rosa and Holt are having the time of their lives thrashing around in the frozen filthy ocean.