Jake: Are you guys wearing one scarf?
Genevieve: Yep, Charles forgot his this morning. It's actually quite romantic. I think he did it on purpose.
Charles: Uh, let's just say, I definitely did it on purpose. Now, twirl me, darling!

Sergeant Jeffords: So we have good news, and we have bad news.
Charles: My Nana always said, "Bad news first because the good news is probably a lie." Fun fact: she made me cry a lot.

Sergeant Jeffords: Boyle! Were you dreaming about Jake again?
Charles: Why did you wake me up?! I told you never to wake me up!

Charles: Is the equipment secure?
Jake: Check.
Charles: Weapon loaded?
Jake: Check.
Charles: Did you have breakfast?
Jake: What? That's not on the checklist.
Charles: I added it because I care about you.
Jake: No, I did not have breakfast.
Charles: Unacceptable. Look in your pocket.
Jake: Hey, there's little chocolate chips in this.
Charles: Yeah, I'm not an idiot. I know how to trick my best friend into eating his fiber.

Captain Holt: Dancing over. Situation defused.
Jake: No!

Jake: Oh, I should've known.
You're a hugger, not a shaker.
Charles: It was the most painful thing I've ever done, and I've taken three of my grandparents off life support.
Jake: How are you always in charge of that?

Rosa: Here's the deal, Steven. We already got you on shoplifting. Now let's talk about the 200 cloned credit cards in your bag.
Steven: I'm not saying anything.
Captain Holt: Look, punk, there are two ways we can do this the easy way or the hard way.
Rosa: Tell him what the hard way is, boss.
Captain Holt: Well, first, Steven, we're gonna fill out form 38E-J1, stating noncompliance.
We send it to the DA, but do they process it right away? No, because they're overwhelmed because Debra's on maternity leave. So your court date won't be set for six or eight weeks, and even then, you're gonna have to block off the whole day, because they don't give you a specific time. No, no, it's a window.
Rosa: Sir, can I talk to you for a second? I thought we were gonna to try to scare him.
Captain Holt: There's nothing scarier than the realities of the municipal court system. Now, come on; Let's get back in there and tell him about how bad the website is.