Brooklyn Nine-Nine Quote 5784

Quote from Captain Holt in the episode Hostage Situation

Rosa: Here's the deal, Steven. We already got you on shoplifting. Now let's talk about the 200 cloned credit cards in your bag.
Steven: I'm not saying anything.
Captain Holt: Look, punk, there are two ways we can do this the easy way or the hard way.
Rosa: Tell him what the hard way is, boss.
Captain Holt: Well, first, Steven, we're gonna fill out form 38E-J1, stating noncompliance.
We send it to the DA, but do they process it right away? No, because they're overwhelmed because Debra's on maternity leave. So your court date won't be set for six or eight weeks, and even then, you're gonna have to block off the whole day, because they don't give you a specific time. No, no, it's a window.
Rosa: Sir, can I talk to you for a second? I thought we were gonna to try to scare him.
Captain Holt: There's nothing scarier than the realities of the municipal court system. Now, come on; Let's get back in there and tell him about how bad the website is.

 Captain Holt Quotes

Quote from the episode Ding Dong

Rosa: All you have to do is say a few nice comments during the memorial.
Captain Holt: As God said when Wuntch tried to sneak past the gates into heaven, "It ain't happening, honey."
Rosa: [cackles]

Quote from the episode Payback

Amy: Maybe we should talk about deets for the case. Plan our next move. Grab some chow.
Captain Holt: No need. I brought these. Nutrition bricks. I have original no flavor, and whole wheat no flavor.

Quote from the episode The Box

Jake: We have a few more questions for you, doctor.
Captain Holt: Doctor. Huh. It's funny when people call dentists "doctor".
Philip Davidson: We are doctors. We do four years of medical school.
Captain Holt: Yeah, but it's called "dental school".
Philip Davidson: But we learn about the entire body.
Captain Holt: But if you had cancer, you wouldn't call a dentist.
Philip Davidson: You know it's actually harder to get into dental school than medical school.
Captain Holt: Well, because there are fewer dental schools. Because most people want to become actual doctors.
Philip Davidson: That's ridiculous. It's not like we're college professors calling ourselves "doctors".
Captain Holt: Not the same thing, my friend.
Philip Davidson: Well, sure it is. When someone has a heart attack on a plane, do they yell out, "Yo, does anybody here have an Art History PhD?"
Captain Holt: A PhD is a doctorate. It's literally describing a doctor.
Jake: Maybe let's refocus.
Captain Holt: No! The problem here is that medical practitioners have co-opted the word "doctor".
Jake: Okay, Captain-
Captain Holt: I know we live in a world where anything can mean anything, and nobody even cares about etymolo-
[cut to outside, Holt downing a glass of water]
Captain Holt: Apparently that's a trigger for me.
Jake: Yeah, apparently.

 ‘Hostage Situation’ Quotes

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Dancing over. Situation defused.
Jake: No!

Quote from Charles

Jake: Are you guys wearing one scarf?
Genevieve: Yep, Charles forgot his this morning. It's actually quite romantic. I think he did it on purpose.
Charles: Uh, let's just say, I definitely did it on purpose. Now, twirl me, darling!

Quote from Charles

Jake: Oh, I should've known.
You're a hugger, not a shaker.
Charles: It was the most painful thing I've ever done, and I've taken three of my grandparents off life support.
Jake: How are you always in charge of that?

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