Doug Judy: I brought you here 'cause I'm in peril.
Jake: Pfft. Peril.
Doug Judy: Don't "pfft" my peril.
Jake: Pfft.
Doug Judy: Somebody's trying to kill me, and I need protection, so I sent for my best friend.
Jake: I am not your best friend. I'm your worst enemy. Get that through your head.
Doug Judy: It's this kind of bickering that makes us such an adorable couple.

Captain Holt: No, no, no. He's not a cop. He can't be wearing any of this.
Jake: It's just a windbreaker. It's not like I gave him a badge and a gun. ... Uh, he has both of those things.
Doug Judy: It's not loaded. I just want to cock it and say a cool cop catch phrase. (COCKS GUN) New York's finest just got a whole lot finer.

Doug Judy: Damn, it feels good to be on the same team for once. A cop and a criminal working together. (GASPS) We need a theme song. The Pontiac Bandit and Jake the cop-
Jake: Oh!
Doug Judy: Taking down crooks, In the streets where they live, Flirting with girls who are hot for the badge-
Jake: There's a talking police dog that helps them solve crime.

Amy: I got five down. I figured out the theme. It's boats.
Doug Judy: Okay, I get it. She's smart and lovable; you're scrappy and lovable; together you're just lovable and lovable.

Debbie: Look at you. Always working. What happened to my fun big brother?
Captain Holt: Fun? I was never fun. You take that back.

Jake: Hey, can I ask you something?
Amy: Mm-hmm.
Jake: If the toilets drain into the ocean, does that mean a tiny shark could swim up and bite me in the butt?
Amy: No, not at all.
Jake: Psh, lame.

Amy: I got five down. I figured out the theme. It's boats.
Doug Judy: Okay, I get it. She's smart and lovable; you're scrappy and lovable; together you're just lovable and lovable.