Charles: Stevie planted the drugs.
Jake: Come on!
Charles: I looked on that dishwasher before him, and it was empty. Stevie planted those pills. But you're right, he's the coolest! You guys should go get your ears pierced together. Invite Brad. It'll be smurt.
Jake: It's swurt, not smurt. So, joke's on you.

Sergeant Jeffords: So we have good news, and we have bad news.
Charles: My Nana always said, "Bad news first because the good news is probably a lie." Fun fact: she made me cry a lot.

Sergeant Jeffords: Boyle! Were you dreaming about Jake again?
Charles: Why did you wake me up?! I told you never to wake me up!

Charles: Is the equipment secure?
Jake: Check.
Charles: Weapon loaded?
Jake: Check.
Charles: Did you have breakfast?
Jake: What? That's not on the checklist.
Charles: I added it because I care about you.
Jake: No, I did not have breakfast.
Charles: Unacceptable. Look in your pocket.
Jake: Hey, there's little chocolate chips in this.
Charles: Yeah, I'm not an idiot. I know how to trick my best friend into eating his fiber.

Charles: Massage! I'll give you a massage.
Gina: Charles, going in the wrong direction and getting himself disqualified. Interesting approach.

Gina: Captain, why are you doing this? You hate people in your space.
Captain Holt: Nonsense. I'm an easygoing chap.
Gina: Okay. I once saw you use a ruler to measure another ruler.
Captain Holt: It was off by half a centimeter. It never should've been in circulation.

Gina: "Orange Jake", going once, going twice.
Rosa: I'll show you a picture of me in high school. There is side-pony.
Gina: Rosa coming in hot! Rosa coming in hot!