Jake: And you know what else I think are you listening? Huh? Are you, Mr.
Warden? I think we should be able to decorate our own cells, don't you? I mean, choose our own wallpaper, laminated flooring, crown molding my friend Charles loves crown molding. He says if it doesn't have the crown, you have to vote it down.

Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.

Amy: I can't wait to see the inside of Raymond's house. I'm gonna learn everything there is to know about him.
Charles: I bet it's really fancy. Like Beauty and the Beast fancy.
Jake: No, it's probably just an empty, white cube with a USB port in it for him to plug his finger in when he's on sleep mode.

Jake: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.

Amy: Hey, I think I found something interesting. I was double-checking last month's surveillance photos, and I noticed this. Hawkins has two different phones: her normal cell, and then this one that only has one app on the home screen Snapchat.
Hitchcock: Oh, she's up to something. Snapchat messages disappear. You can send anything to anybody, and after they see it, it's like I never sent it.
Captain Holt: Nobody ask Hitchcock why he knows that.

Jake: So, I got assigned to this one rookie, and on his training day, I made him smoke angel dust at gunpoint. King Kong ain't got nothing on me.
Tank: Isn't that the plot and tagline of The movie "Training Day"?
Jake: Yes, great observation, Tank. That's because it's based on my life.

Amy: I understand, but we've been watching Hawkins for a month, and we have nothing to connect her to the robberies. Maybe we should pursue other routes.
Charles: Um, some of us are already pursuing other routes, Amy. [flashback] "This is Charles Boyle, and you're listening to A God in Shackles. This podcast is brought to you by Fun Frames, make your spectacles a spectacle."
Amy: And how is your podcast supposed to get Jake out of prison?
Charles: I lay out the facts, people see he was framed. I build an audience. I get a celebrity listener. It's Debra Messing. She tweets a link. Now Sean Hayes is involved.