Captain Holt: Boyle's not in the interrogation room.
Amy: He couldn't have gotten far. He can't see.
Scully: You can go a long way on muscle memory alone. One time, I sleepwalked to the M&M's store in Times Square.

Jake: Hitchcock, can you top it?
Hitchcock: Mine has mother's hospital bed.
Amy: Okay, Scully?
Scully: I got this one red door I've never been able to open and I hear screams behind it sometimes. But it's probably just the wind.
Jake: Okay, that's actually too scary.

Amy: Oh, so your plan is to not take this seriously at all?
Jake: Oh, I am as serious as a heart attack. No offense, Scully.
Scully: Nah. Mine are never that serious. I call 'em "oopsies".

Hitchcock: All that investigating was exhausting. Besides, we did our share of that in the seventies and eighties. Now, we like to do paperwork in our comfy chairs.
Scully: If we're away from our desks for too long, they'll update our computers and we'll lose Minesweeper.

Charles: Hey. The desk sergeant said we're hosting a forensic sciences course.
Captain Holt: Yes, taught by Dr. Ronald Yee.
Amy: He revolutionized the field of forensic entomology. He is a rock star.
Captain Holt: Oh, please. Rock stars wish they were he. The man can tell how long a corpse had been decomposing just by studying the maggots inside. I'd like to see Barbra Streisand do that.
Amy: I'm not sure Barbra Streisand counts as a rock star, sir.
Captain Holt: She sings in English. That's rock music.

Rosa: Why are you so excited? You don't care about those stupid books.
Jake: I actually did read all of them in prison. They are the greatest books I've ever read, and I've read "Cujo."

Jake: Terry, you are a great husband, father, detective, painter, dancer, and you're so jacked you have muscles on your back.
Sergeant Jeffords: Everyone has back muscles, Jake.
Jake: Nuh-huh, my back looks like the inside of a spoon.