Officer Colin Wilg: It's Officer Wilg at the armory. I got Peralta here. He's signing out body armor and a long gun. Is he all clear?
Charles: [Holt soundboard] "Yes. Approved. Thanks."
Officer Colin Wilg: Oh, hey, Raymond. Can't wait for you and Kevin to come over and meet the baby. We still on for Thursday, right?
Charles: [Holt soundboard] Screw. That.
Officer Colin Wilg: I'm sorry, I thought you wanted to meet baby Carol. Her surgery was such a success.
Charles: [Holt soundboard] Screw. That. Screw. That. Get. Some. Good. Bye.
Jake: Ah. What a weirdo. Anyways, thanks for the gun.

Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.

Amy: I can't wait to see the inside of Raymond's house. I'm gonna learn everything there is to know about him.
Charles: I bet it's really fancy. Like Beauty and the Beast fancy.
Jake: No, it's probably just an empty, white cube with a USB port in it for him to plug his finger in when he's on sleep mode.

Jake: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.

Gina: Wait, first, let's say a prayer. Dear Beyonce, Solange, Rihanna, someone cool that's white, Cardi B, please bless this flush. A-women.

Charles: Hello? You know what, I'm trying to keep this line open, so I don't have time for your bull crap. Good-bye, Mom.

Gina: The first thing we gotta do, shut off the water supply. Did I do that? That's an Urkel reference, from the show "Family Matters." Do you remember that?