Jake: Talking about what?
Captain Holt: Uh, tell me about Amy, hmm? You must be excited to see her.
Jake: Very much, you know. Oh, God, what if it doesn't go well? We haven't seen each other in a while, and what if it's weird? Uhhh!
Captain Holt: Keep going, keep going. You're doing so well. Why would it be weird?
Jake: I don't know. I don't know. I mean, maybe we've grown apart. Maybe she'll be repulsed by my frosted tips. I was gonna defrost them before I saw her for the first time.
Captain Holt: I'm sure it will be magical when you see her. And guess what?
Jake: What?
Captain Holt: I'm done. I've sewn myself up.
Jake: Huh.
Captain Holt: You did great, buddy. I'm proud of you.
Jake: I can't believe I did it. I'm so strong.

Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.

Amy: I can't wait to see the inside of Raymond's house. I'm gonna learn everything there is to know about him.
Charles: I bet it's really fancy. Like Beauty and the Beast fancy.
Jake: No, it's probably just an empty, white cube with a USB port in it for him to plug his finger in when he's on sleep mode.

Jake: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.

Captain Holt: The cops are looking for us, and a madman wants us dead.
We should be laying low until the Nine-Nine gets here.
Jake: Yeah, but we don't know when that's gonna be, and we need food and supplies.
Captain Holt: Okay, I'll get some water.
Jake: Holt, are you trying to draw attention to us? Nobody drinks water here.
Choose something blue or green.

Amy: Ooh, we're crossing into Virginia. Virginia is not technically a state, but a commonwealth.
Rosa: Oof, poor Jake.

Captain Holt: Are you hurt?
Jake: Yeah. I got caught on top of the fence. Check out my calf it's like Scratch City. How about you?
Captain Holt: I'm fine, except I was impaled on a metal pipe.
Jake: Oh, my God! [looking away and back again] Oh, my God! It's going to be fine. [looking away and back again] Oh, my God!